Still Looking For Answers

I had my orthopedic appointment on Tuesday, and left not quite sure how I was feeling. A spinal fusion is about all that can be done from his standpoint He prescribed me some anti-inflammatory medicine and gave me a steroid injection in my hip. 

I'm not sold on the fusion at all. I've always been scared of doing it, and that hasn't changed. There are a lot of pros and cons to weigh out before making such a huge decision. 

The hip injection did nothing besides leave a bruise. And the medicine didn't touch any of the pain. The week went so slowly. On Friday I saw my regular doctor in hopes of getting a referral to a new rheumatologist. I went armed with a list of symptoms and things I would like to be tested for. She very much agreed I need to see one again and upped my dose of meds to see if it would help any. Now it's another waiting game as to when I'll get in with the RA. 

Ruling out an auto immune disorder or any other issue will help me in my decision with the spinal fusion as well. If I have something else going on that will cause lifelong pain, then is there a point? 

I came home feeling defeated Every muscle and joint in my body hurt. I burst into tears, and all through the evening I would calm down and then start crying again. On high pains days it's hard to imagine living the rest of your life in pain. This wasn't just a high pain DAY either. It was 3 weeks straight with no relief. 

Saturday rolled around, and I laid in bed all morning. Everything ached. I have a hard time being comfortable for long periods of standing or sitting, but even laying down lately has been uncomfortable. I "wasted" the whole day doing nothing. I realize that isn't actually wasteful. It's my bodies way of trying to heal itself. No kids meant I could rest. 

Yesterday I woke up and didn't immediately feel discomfort. I took it slow all morning and then was able to do some housework, wrap presents and go to WalMart, all without wanting to curl up and die as soon as I got done.

This morning was much of the same, and I even did a mini purge. How do I accumulate so much "stuff" in such a short amount of time? 

I went for a drive, which I haven't been able to do because sitting has been hurting. I even went and looked at the Christmas star. 

Now that I'm home again, my muscles are starting to ache more. I'm hoping sleep will help. Driving to Iowa is going to suck next week if it still hurts to sit. 

Please pray that I can find relief somehow, some way.