I write about it often, because I live with it every day. I try to limit my complaining because I'm sure it comes off as needy and annoying. I also don't mean to make it sound like I'm complaining. It's more that I'm trying to bring an awareness to unseen pain. More people suffer from it than you'd think.
One thing I have learned about chronic pain over the years it that there are good days, there are okay days and there are days where you hurt so badly that you wonder how you're going to make it through the rest of your life when you're only 36? The good days are still painful, but tolerable enough that my brain just automatically logs it as a good day.
I had my steroid injections at the end of October. I was cautiously optimistic. My body generally doesn't respond to stuff like that, but I really hoped it would this time. After the injections they told me it could be up to 2-7 days before I would feel it working. When I woke up the following morning I already felt a difference. Over the next 5 days I hopped out of bed like Grandpa Joe after Charlie found the golden ticket. There was still some pain, but I could bend without sound effects. I could stand longer. As quickly as the relief came, it faded away. It started with my hip starting to hurt more and within days, all the pain had returned. I still pushed through, but I called and tried to get into my orthopedic doctor. His next appointment was a month out. (Now I'm down to less than 48 hours!).
Unfortunately, as the pain started to return, it has come back worse than before. My hip pain has increased. I constantly ache. My joints hurt. My muscles ache like I have the flu. I'm always tired. This weekend has been the worst so far. I still press on as much as I can, but I did let myself just lay and rest all afternoon. I even took a nap.
The funny thing I've noticed about myself is how much I can fake it til I make it when I'm around other people. I've got the, "Hey! How are you!?" "I'm good!" down pat. Why do I do that!? I did it so many times at church today. I wasn't good. I was ready to crawl into a hole and die, but I stood there smiling and saying I was good. It just comes out automatically. I was in so much pain sitting through the service. The sermon was about being joyful...and I got in the van and yelled at my kids to just be quiet. Our advent activity was getting food to donate to the food pantry, so we went right after church because I knew as soon as I got home I was going to crash and not want to leave the house.
The boys have had to fend for themselves for the most part today. I'm pretty sure James will probably barf up Goldfish at some point.
People offer suggestions, but honestly I've pretty much tried it all. I've tried different natural anti-inflammatory concoctions, regular OTC meds, stretching (which I still do), physical therapy, injections, chiropractor heat, ice and probably more things I've forgotten about. I'm pretty sure my body laughs every time I swallow anything OTC. I could take an entire bottle of Advil and it probably wouldn't touch the pain or faze me in the least.
I'm just praying that my orthopedic doctor can help me out at my appointment. I have some suggestions and questions for him. I really like him and feel like he listens and will actually try to help me as much as possible. I hate to think that I'll eventually need to have surgery and have a spinal fusion, but it may end up coming down to it. For now I just have to pray and trust that God will show me and the doctor what the next step is.
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