I almost forgot to blog today. It would've ruined my November streak. There's only 7 minutes until tomorrow, so I'd better make this short and sweet.
No matter how you're choosing to celebrate Thanksgiving this year, I hope that you have a wonderful day. I'm thankful we made it to Iowa safely and I'm thankful that my mom and I got to stay up watching House Hunters and just chatting until almost midnight!
Don't forget to wear your fat pants tomorrow! (I'm also thankful for elastic).
Birthdays are over...well almost. We've got a few things to open at Mimi and Pa's house this weekend. It's always fun to celebrate, but I'm also kind of glad when they're over too. I am really happy that I put together a small surprise birthday parade for Daniel (and James too), and I'm thankful for those who came and made it special for them. They had wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese for their birthday, but because of Covid, we couldn't. I said gifts weren't necessary, but of course people still gave them treats, small gifts and lots of balloons. We had fun sucking the helium out of some of them today! Normally I'd say no, but since we're going out of town, why not!? It was pretty entertaining.
I realized I only have about a week and a half until December, and I need to get my slips of paper made up for the advent activities. I believe this will be our 5th year of doing it and the boys get so excited to see what the activity of the day will be. They've already put their requests in for all of their favorite activities, so it shouldn't be too hard.
I already have their stocking stuffers purchased and Daniel's "Santa" gift. Just need to get some actual gifts, but I want to keep it simple and make sure I give them things that they'll actually use.
We've been driving through the park several times a week, and James especially has been getting excited watching Christmas in the Park slowly get put up. I enjoy it too. Daniel doesn't care too much. He is one of these, "It's too early. It hasn't been Thanksgiving yet." kinda people. At least I have one kid who gets excited with me!
I'm looking forward to spending the rest of the week with my family in Iowa, and hopefully we'll have a very uneventful trip. Pray for the boys...I'll be putting on a 4 hour Christmas concert tomorrow.
Dear Daniel,
I still can't believe it has been 9 years since you were born. I'm writing this at 9:00 pm, which means you were a little over 3 hours old at this same time. We were in for a long night, but I couldn't stop staring at you. We stayed up late and I introduced you to Friends.
This past year has been a crazy one, but we've made it through.
You finished 2nd grade...in March. You can one day tell your own kids that you lived through a global pandemic and foraged for toilet paper.
While it wasn't ideal, you did pretty well through the beginning of Covid. You and James basically stayed in "lock down" for 2 months. I would go out and go shopping and come back with tales of masks, and arrows telling us what way we were allowed to shop. We played outside as much as possible. Thankfully everything hit right when Spring was arriving. You guys didn't go to any stores, there was no school and church was live streamed on Facebook. You did play with the boys next door because I wasn't too worried. Playgrounds were closed until June. It was no fun.
By the end of May we made a run for the border. The Iowa border. Restrictions were less, and I was tired of being stuck at home. We spent a week there, and enjoyed seeing people!
It's been a year of changes. You've been very accepting. I will never forget your tears when we told you that I was moving to another house. But after allowing you to ask questions and reassuring you that you would see both your dad and I, you were so calm. In fact, you never seemed fazed by the entire transition after that.
We did get to return to church this summer. You were going to be baptized on Easter Sunday, but since everything was closed down, we waited until August. It was definitely a proud mom moment.
This year school didn't get to start. You were starting 3rd grade at Memorial and so excited! 2 weeks ago you started the hybrid plan. You got to go to school for 2 days before they went back to all online learning. You were pretty bummed out. So was I.
You are rocking 3rd grade though. I am so proud of how smart you are academically. You have rarely complained about your school work. You make sure you attend all of your Google meets. You've come to preschool with me, and still done all of your work while I'm teaching. You take the initiative to get things done, and you always try your hardest.
Your greatest strengths are and have always been math and science. You are also a really good artist, even though you're not always into it. You have finally found a love for reading and it makes my heart happy to see you engrossed in a good book. You don't like writing, which is weird to me, because my strong points in school were always reading and writing. I was (and still am) terrible at math and science.
You love to create. You put together Lego sets with ease. You build things with magnets. You work meticulously at anything you do.
You keep getting taller and taller. I know one day you're going to pass me up, and that just seems wrong.
You're also maturing...as much as a 9 year old boy can. Of course, you still drive me insane by constantly picking fights with James, copping an attitude with me, or just making a choice that you know is bad, but doing it anyway. But, you've also become more helpful...when you want to be. You carry the groceries in for me, you volunteered to wash the dishes one night, and you carry the dirty laundry basket down the stairs for me so I don't have to lift it.
I know you're in the "life isn't fair" stage when you feel like I make you do everything (which I don't!). Or that you don't get everything you want like a cell phone or an iPad even though "everyone else has one" (which they don't!)
I'm hoping as you grow older, you'll see that I did my best. I have MANY imperfect moments as a mom and as a person in general. I know my parents did their best with me even though I thought my life wasn't fair when I had to do things or didn't get things as well. It makes you appreciate what you do have all the more. And life isn't about material things anyway. Sure, it's nice to have fun things, but make sure to always be thankful for what you have and to give to others whenever you can. There's always someone who needs something more than you do.
I love you so much. You'll always be my Bubby no matter how old you get. I hope 9 turns out to be an amazing year for you.
Love always,
Mom
I really don't know what to write about tonight. I feel like today was an overload of posts, and I've already said everything.
It was a relaxing, but tiring weekend. I spent a quiet Friday night at home. Yesterday I slept in and lounged around until I finally decided I had to go to Walmart to get my oil changed. I ended up roaming the store and probably bought more stuff than I needed, but at least my van is ready to travel.
Unfortunately, it did a number on my back. I've been hurting a lot this past week. My injections seem to have worn off already. I knew it was likely, but it's still be hard. I had a few days of VERY low pain and much better mobility. Then the pain started to slowly creep back. By this past Thursday the pain was back with a vengeance.
I even got a massage on Friday in hopes that it would help. It did for a few hours. With the pain has come even worse hip pain than I've had before, so that's been fun. I can't get into my orthopedic doctor until mid-December, but it's better than nothing. Not sure what the answer is, but if I have to live forever with these pain levels, that's really going to suck. It's really hard to not get depressed when the pain is higher. I guess my next move would be finding a pain management doctor.
Today was another day of resting. With in person church services cancelled, I slept in again and then got Daniel's birthday presents all wrapped and put under the tree. Haha! I wasn't planning on going anywhere, but about 2:00 I started getting dizzy, and I remembered I hadn't picked up my anxiety medicine, and I hadn't had any since Thursday. Got those in my system and took a drive. Had a cry. Prayed. And God even gave me a little nod by shining sunlight on me. Read my Facebook page Pocket Full of Sunflowers for the full story.
I'm hoping I sleep well tonight. The last 2 nights I've been up and down with weird dreams and 36 year old hot flashes. I can't sleep in much tomorrow because there's a certain birthday boy who is going to want to open his presents.
I can't believe this kiddo turns 9 tomorrow. Stay tuned for his birthday letter post tomorrow night.
Thank the Lord...it's finally Friday. I don't know about anyone else, but this week couldn't have gone any slower if it tried. I've thought it was Friday since about Tuesday. I'm looking forward to a quiet and relaxing weekend and no school next week! That means no remote learning, which means no epic 6 year old meltdowns over every little thing school related. Too bad that won't turn off all the other fits.
Monday we'll celebrate Daniel turning 9 and then a day or two later, it's off to Iowa for more birthday celebrations and Thanksgiving.
I'm kind of hoping it'll decide to snow while we're there. I haven't even looked at the weather, but I could go for a beautiful snowfall right about now. I want the big flakes that fall in slow motion. A Hallmark snow, if you will.
All of my Iowa friends are cursing me right now for saying the "s" word, I'm sure.
The funny this is, I really hated winter for the longest time. It wasn't until I moved to Illinois that I started to love it. Even then, it wasn't until after I had kids. I like to say that James broke my internal thermostat. I was hot my whole pregnancy with both of them, but after having James my body never reset to factory settings. I usually don't even have a winter coat on until is below freezing unless I'm going to be outside for awhile. I don't even think about wearing one into a store usually, because I'll die from a hot flash.
Central Illinois winters are far milder than Eastern Iowa winters, that's for sure. The first year I lived here everyone was freaking out about 2 inches of snow, and I'm kind of over here like...um okay...? It generally doesn't get as cold. We've had some pretty cold snaps a few of the years that I've been here though. We for sure get less snow. Maybe that's why I get so excited when I see it in the forecast. The ONE time Taylorville got a MASSIVE snow, I was in Iowa and it didn't snow at all there. By the time I came home the next day it was almost all melted.
Ice I could live without. And I'm thankful I don't have to drive far in the snow. I'd probably hate it a lot more if I did.
I'd just like a snowy winter. There. I said it. (And now it probably won't snow at all.)
There are about a million things I could complain about tonight, so I figured it was about time for a Thankful Thursday post.
2020 has sucked...and honestly it's hard to remember the positive things that have happened. There's always something to be thankful for though.
1. I am thankful for my kids. We may drive each other to the brink of insanity daily, but I could not imagine life without them. I never imagined myself being a boy mom after growing up with sisters. Boys are much different, but God knew I was meant to be their mama.
2. I am thankful for a God who will always love me no matter what. I screw up daily. I distance myself. I do and say things I know I shouldn't. While I have struggled in my relationship with God this year, he hasn't left my side. He's been there to whisper reminders in my ear that things would be okay, that he was with me, and that he would carry me if I would just let him. (Don't ask my why I'm so stubborn even when it comes to God. I'm still trying to figure that out.)
3. I am thankful for my home. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up divorced. Growing up I had my little fairy tale life planned out. It didn't go that way, but that's okay. It's given me a new chapter. God had this place in mind for me, and it became available just when I needed it. By then end of the weekend that I moved in, it felt like home. As a bonus, I am thankful for my next door neighbor, and my quiet little neighborhood.
4. I am thankful for my job. I know one day it won't be enough income and I will have to move on, but for now and the next few years I am so happy I get to do what I do. I am also thankful that I've been paid even for the times we haven't been able to have school. There are days I am ready to pull my hair out, but watching the kids learn and grow is so worth it.
5. I am thankful that so far (knock on wood), I am the only one to have been super sick this year, and that even though people thought I had Covid, I did not. The boys health is what matters.
6. I am thankful that I now have actual medical insurance, and I don't have to feel bad about going to be seen.
7. I am thankful for my church. Between the shut down and getting a divorce, I had a fear that I would feel judged or unwelcome, but no one has made me feel that way. I love getting to sing, and be a part of the family.
8. I am thankful that I have the ability to laugh and find humor in life. Sometimes it's the only thing holding me together, but without laughter life would be so depressing.
9. I am thankful for my family. I know, I already said the boys. But I am thankful for my parents, sisters and extended family. I am especially thankful for my parents and sisters standing beside me, encouraging me, and all of our Facebook chat sessions!
10. I am thankful for my Christmas tree. Okay, I know I keep talking about Christmas, but I swear it feels more magical this year. It's like the last little glimmer of hope in a year that went to hell in a hand basket in March. First of all, have you even stopped to think about how random it is that we all just plop a tree inside our houses? Christmas is just giving me all the feels this year, and I love that I started decorating early because now I have over a month to enjoy it!
There you have it. What are you thankful for?
I am REALLY trying to stay off the struggle bus, but it's so hard when people feed you negative news. I'm doing what I can to stay positive, including starting a Facebook page dedicated to encouragement and making a positive impact. Blocking the news has been the best choice I've made. The only things I follow still are the local newspaper and news radio page, and that's enough. I try to keep scrolling when I see something I know will set me off. I get sucked into the comments occasionally, but I don't let myself comment. I've also decided not to share anything Covid related on my personal Facebook page. Even if it's humorous. I'll just share with personal friends outside of my news feed.
I will however, allow myself to talk about it on here from time to time. I realize I post my blog on Facebook, but people have the option to read it or pass on by.What's pulling me down right now is the feeling that we're living the exact same thing over and over again. 2 Friday the 13th's shut the darn world down, sent people into a frenzy, and now schools are out until who even knows when. I don't want to do this again. I want to be in my classroom with my kids. I don't like being told this is my new normal. No it's really not. Yes, I have to accept life as it is right now, but it sure as heck isn't normal. I wonder what people were like during the Spanish Flu? Where they as stressed out 100 years ago? It does go to show that eventually things will return to normal though.
Even though all of this is trying to drag me down, there are still good things happening.
I big shout out to my preschool families. I don't know that they'll see this, but I have truly been blessed with amazing families last year and this year. I just feel lucky to have all of them in my life. They have been nothing but supportive and kind. I miss their kids like crazy. Each one of them brings a spark of joy to my life.
Tonight, the boys and I made turkey crafts to take to the care center. It really touched my heart taking our preschool kids on Halloween to do a parade past the residents windows. To see their faces light up when they saw the kids standing outside their windows, waving and yelling, "Happy Halloween!" was so precious.
It also added more perspective. These are people. People need human contact, and they're confined to their rooms or at least to just the center itself. Their loved ones can't come in. They can talk through the windows. Just last week, I was handed a card from one of the residents. In shaky cursive writing it said, "Thank you for the Halloween parade." and was signed by one of the residents. It brought tears to my eyes. Now they're going to be alone on Thanksgiving. While we only had enough crafts for 12, I pray that whomever receives them will feel a glimmer of hope and happiness. How I wish I could go in and hug them all. I know this sounds terrible, but I'm thankful that my grandma passed away almost 2 years ago now. I can't imagine what it would have been like for her in her assisted living, but I'm glad she doesn't have to go through it. I just hope these residents know they are being thought of.
Tomorrow will be hectic. Noodle deliveries, school work, 2 Google class meets between both boys, and a stop at Daniel's school to pick some things up. I made it without falling asleep today, but something tells me I might pass out tomorrow!
It's been a day. The fact that it's only Tuesday doesn't help. I'm trying to refocus, but man, kids are exhausting.
Last night I thought James was getting sick. He started crying at 5:30 and kept telling me that his head hurt. I knew it must really have been hurting because he accepted medicine without a fit. My biggest fear was that he was going to start throwing up. He didn't have a fever, but he said he might throw up. I made sure he had a bucket, and within 15 minutes he was fast asleep on the couch. I woke him just enough for him to walk up the stairs and get into his bed. He slept for almost 14 hours and by this morning you'd have never known he didn't feel good last night.
That didn't work to my advantage in the school department. I have no idea why everything is such a battle with that boy. He's smart, but I swear he turns into a psycho the minute he has to do work. "It's SO hard!" "I can't dooooo this!" He could be done so much faster and with so much less frustration if he would just focus.
Then Daniel decided to have the attitude of the century today. This resulted in me sounding like a true parent. I used the whole, "When you live in my house, where I pay the rent and the bills, you follow my rules. You respect our things or you lose them." Whew. Then sass came on strong after that. So, today I was the mean mom, who makes life unfair. He kept saying things under his breath (flashbacks to when I did that to my mom...Mom, I'm so sorry!) I told him he needed to lose the attitude, and he told me to lose mine...so THAT was fun. Then he copped an attitude when I asked him what he wanted for a snack? I gave him options and he goes, "Whatever. They're probably stale." Needless to say, he did not have a snack today either. I think he's finally rebounded, and we're having a much better evening. It's really hard being a parent. I would like to go back and laugh at pre-mom Rachel, because that Rachel thought parenting seemed like a breeze.
We haven't left the house since Sunday. Tomorrow I have to go to work, so I'll at least have motivation to get up and moving. We might have to go for a ride just to not be at home for a bit.
I'm back to falling asleep in the afternoon lately. Not good when you want to sleep at night. I just nod right off. It doesn't help that it's getting dark so early now either. I love the cold. I love winter. I don't much care for darkness at 5. It's like any motivation to do anything is sucked out of me. The nights are long. We can't go outside and play. We'll survive though.
Right now, I'll enjoy my Christmas tree and pray for better days ahead!
Since I'm feeling festive:
1. Your favorite Christmas movie?
Okay, this is already hard. It's a toss-up between 3. Elf, Christmas Vacation and Home Alone.
2. When did you learn the truth about Santa?
What truth? I actually don't remember. I can't pinpoint an exact age. I think I just silently figured it out and didn't even say anything for awhile because I didn't want my parents to be sad that I knew.
3. Favorite Christmas song?
Would it even be the Christmas season if I didn't belt out, "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey 50,000 times?
4. Christmas song that makes you cringe?
It's between Santa Baby and Baby It's Cold Outside. Although I like Baby, It's Cold Outside. I have to change the channel or skip Santa Baby.
5. Your favorite tree ornament?
It's my new one that I bought for this year. I was at Hobby Lobby and then had a bunch of family ones. I posted it the other night, but it's a mom and her 2 boys.
6. Colored lights or white lights?
I used to be a strictly colored lights girl. This year I stepped out of my comfort zone and the little tree I bought for my room only has white lights, while my main tree has colored lights.
7. Favorite Christmas tradition?
I have so many if we're talking about all the time leading up to Christmas. I'm going to have to go with Christmas in the Park, and the way that we open presents. Stocking first. Breakfast break. Then on to the regular presents. You open one at a time so you can see what everyone got.
8. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Sigh. I am all about gift bags because I hate wrapping...BUT I feel like unwrapping gifts as a kid is way more fun than just pulling something out of a bag, so I try to wrap just about everything.
9. Favorite holiday scent?
Probably peppermint or fresh baked cookies.
10. Real or artificial tree?
Fake. I love real trees and begged for them growing up. We had real ones for several years before my mom switched to fake. I'd probably end up with a super dead tree by Christmas, so fake is the way to go.
11. When do you open gifts?
Christmas morning. But you always get to open a a gift or 2 on Christmas Eve. My tradition with the boys is they get a new pair of jammies on Christmas Eve. I bought myself a pair this year too. I ordered mens because they didn't have any talls...hopefully I picked the right size!
12. Favorite stocking stuffer?
I LOVE stockings! My favorites are candy and fuzzy socks.
13. Favorite Christmas meal?
I'm not a traditional ham girl. I make "roast beast". Then of course mashed potatoes, rolls and pie!
14. Do you travel for the holidays?
Yes, but not on Christmas. Christmas is a stay home day. This year it's especially important because I want the boys to be able to spend time with each of us on Christmas Day. We usually travel to Iowa after Christmas.
15. Hot chocolate or Eggnog?
Hot chocolate! I've never been brave enough to try eggnog. It makes me think of cousin Eddy.
16. Favorite Christmas treat?
Um...all of them? I love Buckeyes, haystacks, almond bark pretzels and sugar cookies.
17. Does Santa wrap gifts or just leave them under the tree?
Wrapped...in different paper that stays hidden.
18. Snow. Love it or dread it?
Bring it on! Many years ago I hated winter, but I've grown to love it. Let it snow!
19. What do you leave for Santa?
Milk and cookies
20. What's on your wish list this year?
Nothing major. Maybe just some books and Bath and Body works stuff. I did get myself a purse and some Mama Bear slippers.
I've officially written every day for half of November. I'm doing better than the last few years.
I'm happy to say that in just the 2 days that I blocked news outlets on my Facebook page, I've felt less stressed. I still hear things, but at least it isn't in my face as much. I did buy more toilet paper yesterday because apparently people are going nuts and buying it all again. That one still baffles me.
Tomorrow starts a brand new school week. I'm not really looking forward to being virtual and not even having work, but we are going to make the best of this. We're going to take this one day and time. We've made it this far and we will keep on plugging away. I'm going to miss my preschool kiddos though. I've had so much fun being back with them the past 9 weeks. Hopefully we'll be back in 2 weeks.
I'm still thinking about starting that Facebook page. My goals with it are to bring happiness and cheer and spread God's love. I need help with ideas for a name for the group. Something happy or uplifting. Drop me some of your suggestions.
That's all I've got for today. Keeping it short and sweet.
The halls have been decked!
I am so happy! I started off my day by sleeping in. Then I ran out to do a couple of errands. A big shout out to Meredith at Happy Baked Goods for hooking me up with extra cookies. She made my whole weekend.
I stopped at another local store,went for a drive and then headed home to start bringing all of the Christmas bins into the house from the garage and haul the Christmas tree in as well. I still laugh because it looks like a body bag.
My mom had tried to convince me that I should probably get a pencil tree this year because it was going to be hard to fit a full sized tree and still have space in my living room. I waffled back and forth for awhile and kept looking at skinny trees online, but my heart just wouldn't let me do it. I needed my big tree. Especially this year. I thought about how I could fit it without it taking up so much space. I finally decided one night last week that if I moved my TV, it just might fit in the corner.
It did! All the lights worked. I had to "fluff" it out and then set to work on the ribbon...which I had to redo because I ran out too early and it looked stupid. From there my living room exploded into a giant disaster. I was struggling trying to figure out what looked best where. I found a few things that didn't spark joy, so they went into my donate pile.
Eventually I needed more Command hooks, so I went to Walmart. Of course since I was purging a few things I don't love anymore, I had to get a few other decorations. They didn't have the hooks I needed though, and so I ended up at Ace too. Then back home to eat and put together a shelf. I finished hanging things up and then moved on to decorating the tree.
I saved the boys' ornaments for them to hang up when they come home. I used to envision myself being the "fun" mom, but I can't handle it. I have to be able to decorate on my own, and not have "help". I have to think things through and move things around a hundred times without anyone giving me unsolicited advice. Thankfully they accept that, and they know we'll do other fun activities together too.
Now, here I sit, enjoying the glow of the Christmas tree. Listening to the rain. And wondering what time I'll fall asleep tonight because I'm wide awake right now. No church tomorrow though. We're shut down this Sunday, so maybe I'll actually spend some time relaxing tomorrow before the boys come home.
I was just going to write about my day again, but I've got something else on my mind and on my heart tonight. My anxiety has been really high lately, and I couldn't pinpoint why until tonight.
I have vocalized over and over my thoughts and feelings on Covid. I've seen others who believe the same, and others still who feel quite the opposite. I'm realizing that me venting my frustrations to the Facebook world isn't helping anything. I see posts that trigger me and I feel the need to comment. I see the news sites posting updates. We have a local Facebook page that tells the current stats each day. Social media is causing my anxiety.
While I don't plan to quit using social media, I am realizing I need to just stop venting my feelings about that topic. I need to stop engaging at all when it comes to posts about the current state of the world. I need to block certain pages and people who frustrate me to the point that I can feel my chest tightening. I know the friends and family I can vent to and confide in. I do not need to try and push my own agenda on others. No one is going to change my views, so why would I think I can change someone else's view? All it's doing is making me stressed out, bitter and negative. That's not who I want to be.
I may slip, but I'm hoping this blog post will keep me accountable. My sister Erica was there for me a lot this year. We're miles apart. We have totally different views politically and on the world, and yet we love and respect each other so much. She has been a rock for me when I have fallen apart. She's sat and watched snap chats of me bawling my eyes out while telling her what's going on. Somehow she always has good advice. Sometimes I don't listen to it. She's always telling me that in AA they say The Serenity Prayer. We all know it. Sometimes when I see things over and over in life, they lose their meaning. I think she's right though. I need to accept what I cannot change, have the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
If I want to calm my anxiety, I have to stop letting negative things take up space in my mind. I cannot change what is happening around me, but I can change my attitude. (Unless you're one of those good friends...you'll probably still hear some frustrations, but I'll try to tame it down!)
I've been toying with the idea of starting a Facebook page. There are a few that I follow that post funny memes or positive quotes. I like the idea of having a positive place. Somewhere where people can feel refreshed and uplifted. What do you think? Should I?
From the moment I woke up this morning it was "Friday". Do you ever have days like that where you think it's a certain day and no matter how many times you remind yourself what day it actually is, you still forget?
While this wasn't a bad day, I would say it was a bit chaotic. This afternoon I was faced with a dilemma. Keep preschool open, or shut down? Covid cases are on the rise, and we've got families who are personally affected. I consulted a couple of friends for advice and then the preschool committee. I'm pretty bull-headed when it comes to shut downs. I fought to keep us open in March. I fought for us to reopen this Fall. Today my gut instinct was going against my normal thoughts. My instincts are usually pretty right, and when everyone else kind of said what I was thinking, it was decided we will shut down until after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty bummed out, but I'll still go in and work on some things here and there. My classroom will not stand still like it did in March. It was so sad walking into a classroom with St. Patrick's Day artwork hanging on the wall in June. I have faith we'll be good to go again after a couple of weeks off though. We were already off the week of Thanksgiving anyway. We had our last day of school last spring on Friday the 13th, and today I sent out a message saying that we were closed effective Friday the 13th. I feel like I should go buy toilet paper or something.
While all this was going on, and I was trying to get a bill taken care of on the phone, the boys run in to tell me that Daniel's shoe is on the garage roof. Please note that Daniel kicked his shoe up into a tree at the start of the first quarantine, so I swear this better not be an omen. This time it, "wasn't his fault". He was just kicking ball and it flew off up there. I was really hoping my Ring camera caught it, but it did not. It also managed to not catch me yelling at him that I wasn't buying him another pair of shoes and that he could just wear his shoes that didn't fit, because you know, I'm such a loving mom sometimes.
I texted my neighbor to see if she had a ladder. She only had a step ladder and it wasn't tall enough. My neighbor across the street came through...and Daniel even carried the ladder and held it for me as I climbed up and then used a broom to knock it further down until I could get the handle in the shoe and pull it the rest of the way. Oh...and I was in my pajamas the whole time.
Tonight I discovered James eats skin and finger/toenails, so there's that. Being a mom is a very interesting job.
Then my 90 year old grandma called me. Oh, how I love that woman. 90 and she isn't scared of Covid. It was fun talking to her and listening to her take on all of this craziness. I told her about the shoe on the roof and she laughed and said, "Your dad got mad at the neighbor boy once and threw his shoe up on the roof!" Guess shoes on the roof runs in the family.
Now here I sit. Tomorrow is Friday...again. Except I won't be going to work so it'll probably feel like Saturday and I'll really be thrown for a loop. At least I'm not quarantined. I've got shopping to do and then decorating! It's time to deck these halls!
While it's been amazing to be back at work for the past 2 months, it was nice to have a day off today. Even with the boys I was still able to recharge. I told the boys last night that I was going to sleep in today, and they actually left me alone until 9:30! Daniel asked what we were going to do today and I said probably nothing.
Well...that turned not to be true. Once I was up and dressed, I kicked into high gear and told the boys they needed to clean their room. Daniel of course called me out on "not doing anything today", but begrudgingly complied when I told them that if they didn't go through their stuff today, that I would when they're at their dad's, and throw things away. We got things pretty well organized and I even got them to part with some crap. James is more willing to let go of things than Daniel is. I decided the boys needed clean bedding too, so I stripped those and tossed them in the laundry.
Next we had to get our grocery pickup from Walmart. Daniel has really stepped up on grocery days. He always helps carry the bags in and sometimes he'll grab the ones I'm already holding and tell me that he's got it. Today he unloaded it all while I put everything away.
Once that was done, "purge mode" was activated again. I was tossing things right and left. I swear, nothing feels better than knowing you're freeing yourself of clutter. I still have more to do, but it felt great.
The sun was shining and the sky was blue, so we decided to take a drive. I had to drop off some stuff in the UPS box anyway. It was beautiful. A little chilly, but I'm so happy that the cold front finally moved back in. We ended up at the lake. I sat and stared at the water for awhile, while the boys played on the little playground. Why is water so comforting?
Once we were home I did a little more cleaning and had some me time while the boys hung out upstairs. And tonight was just low key.
All in all, it ended up being a perfect day off. Back to work tomorrow, but we're doing pajama day and a movie the next 2 days, so it should be pretty laid back.
Simple things I do for my mental health or to find happiness.
1. I go for a drive and sing at the top of my lungs. I was nicknamed the family dog growing up (along with the "pee whiner"), because I loved going on car rides. I still do. I love driving aimlessly. It's so refreshing and helps me clear my mind.
2. I take pictures. This is something I want to get back into more. I lack confidence, but I know that I could be really good at it. Who wants to teach me their photo shop skills, because I totally fail in that area.
3. I window shop online. I can't tell you how many times I scroll through Amazon, Zulily, Etsy and more. I make lists or favorite things that I love, even though I likely will never buy it them.
4. I decorate for holidays and seasons. I definitely got this from my mom. I like changing things up and putting up different decor brings me joy. I'm enjoying my last few days of Fall, before I deck the halls!
5. I listen to worship music. God speaks to me most through music, which is why you'll see me posting lyrics or links to my favorite songs. He speaks in other ways, but I've always felt a huge connection to him while in worship.
6. I get lost in a good TV series. Sometimes I just need to shut my mind off to the world, so I'll find a show and binge away. I probably watch too much TV, but oh well.
7. I read. Although, these past few years I've been so bad at reading. I get glued to my phone or other things, when I should really pick up a good book and get lost in it. I used to read ALL the time. I love reading chapter books to the boys each night too.
8. I vent. Sure, it's not the most positive thing, but I've got a few friends that I know I can vent to and get things off of my chest and they'll be there to show their support or crack me up with funny memes and gifs.
9. I look at real estate listings. I know that sounds so weird, but I LOVE looking at pictures of houses. I especially love finding old houses that have been restored.
10. I call my mama. Or we chat online. We talk or chat at least once a day. Sometimes it's just a short check in, and other times we'll end up chatting for an hour or more. It's just nice to know my mom is there and even though I've stressed her out with my problems over the years, she's always there for me.
I'm going to keep this short tonight. I don't think many people are reading anyway.
I'm trying to not engage in any political posts on social media, and for the most part I'm trying to just not comment my opinion on Covid anymore either. At least on other people's posts. My brain is exhausted from hearing about both. My only thoughts I want to share on the election are these:
*Something super sketchy is going on. I do believe there was cheating. I don't know how. I also think there was probably cheating on both sides, but things just don't add up.
*At the end of the day, not everyone is going to be happy, but God is still the true ruler, and he'll get us through no matter who is in charge of our country.
*Lastly, I think we can all agree that the only good thing to come from the election and Covid are the memes.
To offset the negative, here are a few positives from this past week:
*The weather has been beautiful! We've spent hours at the park, outside and enjoying the sunshine. (I'm ready to bust out my Christmas shirts though!)
*I got my favorite Happy Baked Goods cookies this week.
*Made it through our 8th full week of preschool. One of the best feelings is when one of the kiddos says, "Ms. Rachel? I love you!"
*Found out I'm FINALLY getting part of a settlement check from insurance from the tornado almost 2 years ago!
*Got to celebrate James turning 6 and also got to sing a late happy birthday to my niece and watch her eat some birthday pie thanks to technology.
No matter how many lows I hit, there are always positive moments to be found.
The Christmas Spirit has hit hard this year! I love Christmas anyway, but this year nothing is holding me back. I've enjoyed my fall things for the past 2 months, so why not spend 2 months with my Christmas decor too?
I'm very thankful that God has given us an amazingly beautiful fall this year. Some years I feel like summer turns directly to winter, but this year I feel like God said, "You know what? It's been a bad Earth year...I'll give you some extra beauty." Or, maybe we're just not taking as much for granted this year.
For the "haters", I love Thanksgiving too! I promise. I just roll Thanksgiving right in with Christmas. October-December are literally the best months of the year. The boys and I are even doing a "Thankful Pumpkin" this year. I'll post pictures sometime.
My urge to put up Christmas has been strong this past week. I've started listening to Christmas music daily because it makes me happy. I'm trying to figure out if I have enough space for my big tree in my living room. My mom had me almost convinced to get a pencil tree...but it kills me. I love my full size tree. I'm convinced I'm going to make it work, so we shall see. I'm not even going to attempt it until the boys are at Jacob's, because I get stressed out with "help". They'll still get to put ornaments on though.
Today we went to Springfield just for fun. I knew the boys would jump at the chance to go to Scheel's, so off we went after preschool. We had fun looking around and riding the Ferris Wheel of course. They appeased me and we went to Michael's (I didn't torture them with Hobby Lobby this time), and I made it out with only one Christmas decoration. We did a quick trip through Target and then headed to Walmart for school supplies. Mom of the year over here procrastinated because what was the point in buying new until now?
While we were there, I of course needed to take a stroll down the Christmas aisles. I was doing good, and the next thing I knew a 4 ft. flocked tree jumped into my cart. I've been envisioning a tree in my bedroom, and I have plenty of space, so why not? I always contained Christmas to the living room and dining room at the old house. Time to let the cheer spread through the whole house! The boys even entertained themselves with Christmas stuff while I was deciding on decor. I decided I wanted a buffalo plaid tree. I love it! It's small, but perfect. Now I just need a topper. The one I bought weighed the whole tree down. The boys think it's great. Even Daniel who was a bit skeptical of me putting a tree up on November 6th.
I love the build up and anticipation. Once gifts are open on Christmas, it's almost sad. I want to enjoy the holiday spirit as much as I can this year. Daniel brought up the Advent calendar activities we do each year. This will be probably our 5th or 6th year of doing it. We do acts of kindness and other fun activities each day leading up to Christmas. It has reached the point where they have their favorites, and so we do a lot of the same things, but that's okay! I look forward to it each year, and it's so much better than Elf on the Shelf...at least for me.
49 days until Christmas! Here's hoping I can help send some holiday cheer your way!
When 2020 began, I decided that I would pick a word of the year to carry me through. It was just something I really felt was important because I knew in my heart that this year would bring big changes in my life. Or at least I hoped so.
After much consideration and even prayer, I picked the word "strength". What I learned was that if you're going to pick a word, you had better be prepared because I had no idea how much I would be tested this year.
I feel as though I have been through every single emotion imaginable. It's been a roller coaster ride. I've been through highs where I am happy. I've had times of contentedness, and I've had times where I've cried so hard I could barely breathe.
Being strong takes courage and determination. It means learning to stand your ground and set boundaries. It means not letting someone step all over your soul, manipulate and lie to you just so that you can keep the peace. Being strong doesn't mean you have to do it all on your own. It means leaning on God, family and friends.
Another thing I've learned about my own strength is that sometimes in order to become stronger, I have to fall apart a little. Sometimes I just need a good cry, and a chance to pour out my heart to God. I've also had to learn to surrender situations that I couldn't control. Sometimes, I start to spiral and have to give it back to God because I like to try to take back the controls.
I am beyond thankful for a couple friends and family members that I've been able to confide in. Those few who have seen me bare my soul, talked me down as I was crying so hard I was hyperventilating, who have prayed for me, embraced me in a hug, or given me meaningful advice. Those who have shown me love, when I don't feel lovable or done something funny just because they know it'll make me laugh.
I've remained strong not just because of myself, but because of God and those friends and family members who have held me up when I needed a boost.
I AM a strong woman. I am proud of who I am, and I am proud that I'm starting to become more of who I want to be.
Life will always be filled with good times and bad times. I will choose to stay strong through it all. But, if you ever see me starting to drown, reach out and let me lean on you for awhile. We all need someone who will remind us of who we are, what we are capable of and to remind us of our inner strength.
Ultimately, whether I had picked that word or not, life still would've been insane this year, but I'm still glad I chose it.
I've had about enough of the craziness though. I think in 2021, I'll pick something like "wealth"!
There are many words we use to describe our own self. I frequently find myself telling people that I am an introvert. Although, I've decided that I'm actually a socially awkward, anxiety ridden introvert. You know what though? That's okay! It's just who I am. While there are aspects that I would like to change, or fix I have to remember that it's on my own terms, and generally I embrace my weirdness.
Every introvert has their own quirks (I mean every human does), but the one thing we all crave is solitude to recharge our batteries. Here are things that make me a socially awkward, anxiety ridden introvert:
1. I am a homebody that likes to go places, but will spend at least half of my time wishing that I was back at home.
I'll want to go shopping, but once I start (unless I'm wandering aimlessly at Hobby Lobby), I get this intense desire to just go back home. Or, I'll just not want to shop, so I'll sit and people watch instead. One year we went to The Mall of America and I spent most of my time sitting on benches. Shopping is exhausting. Oh, and don't get me started on the stores where they greet you when you walk in and tell you all about their sales, and ask if I need anything? I'll smile and say, "Thanks, I'm just looking!", while inside I'm going, "Please just stop talking to me!"
2. I hate crowds.
I'll put myself into them sometimes though because I really want to do something. Hence, why I've gone to see Garth Brooks 3 times. Every single time I've had a blast seeing him, but SO much anxiety being around that many people. There's too much going on and it physically drains me.
3. I make plans and then cancel them because I get stressed out and overwhelmed.
Most of the time I'll be looking forward to doing something with a friend, but as the time gets closer I'll start thinking, "I just want to be alone." "I don't have the energy to socialize." There are many times I've forced myself to go to things, and I've had a great time. There are also many times I've forced myself to go to things and I've spent the whole time fake smiling and wishing I had never gone. I don't know why I get so worked up, but it's just the way I'm built I guess. I mean, I can think back to elementary school and I was the same even back then...only the worst part was my mom forced me to go to things. I had headaches constantly from stress of having to do things I didn't want to do.
4. I like to go on drives...alone.
Road trips with other people stress me out. I'd rather just drive myself. If I am road tripping with someone else though, I make them drive. I hate driving other people. A lot of times if I need to clear my mind and I don't have the boys, I go on a drive through the country. I can sing at the top of my lungs, or just be alone with my thoughts. It's so relaxing.
5. I'm a daydreamer.
I have been my whole entire life. I have a whole world inside my head. I imagine things I want in life. I play out situations and imagine every possible scenario. This is a blessing and a curse. I can be very fun and relaxing, but I can also lead to extreme anxiety and playing what if games.
6. My kids invade my introvert bubble and it stresses me out.
No one ever told my that my kids might be extroverted! Holy stress, Batman! Sometimes I literally have to tell them they have to leave me alone for awhile or that I need them to be quiet. Constant chatter drives me crazy! To this day, they have "Rest time" for 1.5-2 hours in the afternoons. Why? Because I need to recharge. They just have to go upstairs and find something quiet to do and let me have quiet time.
7. Sometimes I'm feeling a little extroverted and will be thrilled to see people I know out in public.
Sometimes I will literally dart down random aisles to escape even having to say hi to a friend.
Trust me...I know that's crazy, but that's me. My mom, sisters and I even have a code word we use if we're together and need to escape quickly! Let me just apologize now if you've ever walked up to me in public and I acted anti-social. Sometimes I get caught off guard and turn into a total disaster.
8. People who talk my ear off, even when I feel like I'm showing signs of discomfort really stress me out.
I don't even know what else to say with that one. The thing is, if I don't know you well and the conversation isn't just flowing, then I'm probably dying inside and plotting my escape.
9. I either connect with you or I don't.
I don't know if this is necessarily an introvert thing or just a me thing. I swear I can sense "vibes" from people. I will either almost instantly feel a connection to someone, or will just feel "off". It's like I know if we'll click and I can open up to you or not. I am almost always right, but I have for sure also been wrong about people before too.
Chances are, if you're reading this, I really like you, so don't worry! Just give me space. Invite me to things, but don't be offended if I back out. Also...if you're one of my preschool parents, just know I LOVE teaching your kids. Kids are my jam. (As long as I get quiet time after they go home, so I can recharge for the next day!)
Dear James,
Today you turned 6 years old, and I'd say you had a pretty great day despite the entire world going crazy over Election Day.
What a year it has been! While every year has highs and lows, this one has felt like a mess, and I hate that this had to be a part of your childhood. Hopefully one day you will look back and remember more good than bad.
Your year as a 5 year old started off pretty normal. In fact, I can't even think of anything too notable from the beginning. Then Covid-19 showed up, and life as we knew it was turned upside-down. At first it was just something a lot of us grown ups joked around about. In fact, your own mom said it was just ridiculous to stock up on toilet paper, because why would we need to do that!? Then we almost ran out of it and by then the world had gone mad and there was none to be found! So, someday when you have kids, be sure to tell them how rough you almost had it back in 2020 when you survived the Great Toilet Paper Shortage.
Friday, March 13th was your very last day of preschool (sort of). The state was to shut down for 2 weeks and we were placed under a "stay at home order". It was fun at first because we had an early spring break. 2 weeks passed and they decided schools wouldn't start back until the end of April. The end of April came, and they decided we'd just wait and go back to school in August.
It was rough. You and Daniel stayed home. We couldn't have church so we watched it on Facebook in our pajamas. It was fun at first, but the novelty wore off quickly. Anytime I would go somewhere, you wanted to come with, but I had to leave you at home.
We didn't get to go to Iowa for actual Spring Break. We didn't get to meet your cousin Katie either. Thankfully the weather started getting nicer and we were able to play outside a lot. You, Daniel and the neighbor boy played Nerf Wars every day. We went on scooter rides, and went on picnics...even though the playgrounds were closed too.
In May we decided to "make a run for the border" and went to Iowa to see Mimi and Pa. It was so refreshing to get away and see family we hadn't seen since January. You had a blast doing rockets and stomp rockets at Lowe Park.
In June you and your fellow preschooler's finally got to graduate. We held a drive in ceremony outside at the church. It wasn't ideal, but it was one for the books.
June brought even more big changes to your life. I moved into my new house and you and Daniel started going between Mom and Dad's houses. You really took it like a champ. You have embraced all of these changes better than I could have ever hoped and I am so proud of you. I know you love seeing both me and your dad. We both love you and your brother so much.
This was the first year that you got to stay in Iowa without me. You and Daniel stayed a few days and then Mimi brought you back home. I think you had a lot of fun.
You were SO excited to start kindergarten this year and go to school! Unfortunately, school didn't return in person. We've done all of your learning online so far, and you come to preschool with me every day too. I think you're officially the "DMCC Preschool Mascot". I can't say it's been easy. You and I have butted heads, and we've both shed tears over school work, but we've made it work. You might even get to start going to school a couple of mornings a week starting next week. Fingers crossed!
You bring laughter to my days. You also drive me completely insane! The funny thing is, videos have popped up in my memories from years past and you have had the same personality almost from day one! You know you're funny and use that to your advantage. You have an infectious laugh (and also this weird fake laugh). You like to crack jokes and even know how to use sarcasm at times. You also have quite the temper when you don't get your way. You will blame anyone or anything as long as it isn't "your fault". Hopefully you'll outgrow that.
You love playing outside, swinging at the park, Hershey bars, Happy Baked Goods, watching silly YouTube videos, reading, and of course foxes. You also like trains, car rides and singing funny songs.
You are still the world's pickiest eater. You give me gray hairs over all the battles we have with food. Maybe one day you'll discover a world outside of goldfish crackers and yogurt.
I am thankful for another year spent with you. I think we've managed to make some fun and lasting memories of 2020. Just remember that we've made it this far because God has been with us through everything.
I love you my little "Schnook-um-doo". I hope 6 turns out to be a ton of fun.
Love always,
Mom
Tomorrow my baby turns 6, which means I'll be rolling out the annual birthday letter post tomorrow. I plan to put all of their birthday letters in a book and give them the book when they turn 18. I'll continue my tradition past that, but hopefully it's something they'll cherish.
I always get nostalgic in November, so tonight you can journey down memory lane with me, as I reminisce about his birth.
On this night 6 years ago, we went to Krieger's with Jacob's mom and talked about how James would be here within the next few weeks. In fact, my c-section had been scheduled for November 17th. I was still feeling pretty bummed that I had to have a c-section since I delivered Daniel without any complications. It wasn't that I thought it was a cop out...I just didn't feel like being sliced open with a knife. I knew it was for the safety of both James and myself, but I was still scared.
It took me awhile to fall asleep that night. (Acid reflux and eating an entire platter of appetizers didn't help). I felt completely fine, but I had an unsettling feeling as I was trying to get some sleep.
I woke up a little after 4am for one of my many bathroom trips. As I laid back down in bed I felt a big gush. I remember praying that it was my water breaking, but (here comes the TMI), it was a big gush of blood. My 3rd and biggest bleed of my pregnancy due to placenta previa. My doctor had told me after my last hospitalization, that if I started bleeding anytime past 34 weeks, they would deliver.
I called Brenda, who drove an hour and a half to come stay with Daniel as we headed to the hospital. The bleeding had slowed down and I could feel James moving, so I knew all was okay until we got there.
I didn't expect things to move as quickly as they did. My other 2 visits I had waited in triage for several hours, so I assumed it would be about the same. The next thing I knew, I had the doctor, nurses and anesthesiologist at my side telling me everything that was going to happen. I was wheeled to the O.R., got my spinal and then laid on a table trying to stay calm because I was about to get cut open while awake.
At 7:58 the doctor said he was getting ready to start, and by 8:02, James had made his grand entrance into the world.
I made a conscious effort to try and remember everything, because I had such clear memories of Daniel's birth. I had the worst cold, so I wasn't feeling well. I heard James cry and they held him up for me to see before they went and cleaned him off. That's where things got a little hazy. While I didn't feel any pain, the tugging as they were sewing me up was nauseating. I felt so light headed, dizzy and sick. But, all was right in the world when they brought James to me and laid him on my chest. I didn't find out until the following day, that the reason I was so light headed was because I had lost a ton of blood during the delivery and was on the verge of needing a blood transfusion.
I was then wheeled to recovery, which I don't remember much of, except they brought me James. He was only with me for about an hour, if that, before they decided he needed to go to the NICU because he had fluid in his lungs. It was rough being apart from him. I had Daniel with me the whole time. The only good thing was that it gave me time to recover some from the c-section and rest my cold was draining me.
The NICU gave updates and Jacob went up and got some pictures. As soon as I got them to remove my catheter, I had them take me up to see him. I didn't get to hold him, which broke my heart, but I was happy to see him. Later that night I went up again, and the nurse said I could try to hold him, but if his stats dropped he'd have to go back in the bassinet. He did wonderful. I sat there rocking him and just staring at how perfect he was. I cried happy tears and thanked God for my brand new baby boy.
Here we go! Last year was so stressful, that I only did my birthday letters to the boys in November. This year has been more stressful, but I'm going to try to post every day this month. It's been a few years since I've made it through all 30 days.
My anxiety was ramped up this last week. Sometimes there's a reason. Other times it seems as though it just comes out of nowhere.
For those who don't deal with anxiety, it's sometimes hard to explain. Those who do have it know that everyone's anxiety can be completely different. It's not just worry or panic. It can manifest in many ways. It can show up as intrusive thoughts, doubt, fear, agitation, racing thoughts and more. It also doesn't show up the same way each time.
These past couple of weeks, it's been racing thoughts and agitation.
Between everyone and their brother fighting over politics and Covid, and dealing with the responsibilities of life, it just piled up on me. It's easy as a Christian to say, "Well, just pray about it." "God's got this" "Trust in the Lord." I totally agree with those statements, but try telling your brain that, when it's spinning in a million directions.
Also, when my anxiety gets worse, I tend to crawl into my introvert shell and hide. I can also fake my way through moments where I need to be happy, but it literally drains me.
Things that stressed me out at the beginning of last week:
*An impending Zoom chat with friends for a Bible Study. Do not ask me why, but I hate Zoom. It stresses me out that I have to log on and have people looking at me. (And yes...I did a Zoom for my niece's birthday tonight...and yes I was on the struggle bus).
*Making sure I was prepped for the whole week of preschool and going in last Sunday night just to make sure I had extra time to prepare since I would be gone on Wednesday.
*Dealing with a child who throws tantrums over school work and food all day long.
*Making sure I had all of James' birthday presents ordered.
*Getting everything lined up for my back injection.
By the time Friday hit, my brain was just a jumbled up mess. I was busy getting fundraiser stuff done, and doing a Halloween party. The kids were wound up from excitement. The highlight was walking them down to the care center to walk by the residents windows. Well, the walking part wasn't a highlight. It was mostly me saying, "Stay in a line!" "That's not a line!" "Do NOT jump in that puddle!" But, seeing the resident's faces made it all worth it.
By the time we got back and I had to get everyone's stuff ready to go, my brain hit "meltdown". The kiddos left. I ended up staying until 12:30 working on getting things ready for this week. James was having a fit over school work. I laid on the floor in my classroom and just stared at the ceiling for about 5 minutes while he asked me what the heck I was doing. Child...mama is trying to breathe!
I knew I still had to feed them lunch, get school work done, fold laundry and pack a suitcase and then be ready for my hair appointment at 1:45. I was supposed to go to a bonfire at a friend's house Friday night. There were 5 of us originally and it was down to just 2 of us. I laid down on Daniel's bed and texted her asking if we could just postpone it? I told her I felt bad for ditching her, and I could still come, but that I just felt drained. Let me just tell you, she is such an incredible friend and completely understood. I almost started to cry.
After my hair appointment, I dropped the boys with Jacob and had some errands to run. When my anxiety is up, my irritation level goes into sky high too. Every human in Taylorville seemed to be at Walmart. There was an alarm going off in the store somewhere, that probably wasn't annoying to anyone else, but I was about to lose my mind.
I got home and needed to work on my decorations for trunk or treat, while asking myself what I was thinking volunteering to decorate a trunk!?
Yesterday, I slept in. I did not want to go to Trunk or Treat. It ended up being fun and I was able to have a few nice chats and a wonderful hug from a friend, but introvert me just wanted to be done. As soon as it was over, I was on my way home because I was peopled out.
My mom messaged me around 9 to ask if I was alive. I told her I was just done with people and living my little hermit life. I stayed home from church today too. I just needed a quiet day without my chest feeling tight and feeling obligated to be social.
Now that I've had some time to "recoupe", I feel like I can head into this week with a little bit of a clearer mind.
As always, remember to be kind to others. Sometimes friends or strangers alike, are struggling. A kind word, a hug (if you aren't scared of the Rona) or just doing something you know will make them smile or laugh can be so helpful.
