She is STRONG

When 2020 began, I decided that I would pick a word of the year to carry me through. It was just something I really felt was important because I knew in my heart that this year would bring big changes in my life. Or at least I hoped so.

After much consideration and even prayer, I picked the word "strength". What I learned was that if you're going to pick a word, you had better be prepared because I had no idea how much I would be tested this year.

I feel as though I have been through every single emotion imaginable. It's been a roller coaster ride. I've been through highs where I am happy. I've had times of contentedness, and I've had times where I've cried so hard I could barely breathe.

Being strong takes courage and determination. It means learning to stand your ground and set boundaries. It means not letting someone step all over your soul, manipulate and lie to you just so that you can keep the peace. Being strong doesn't mean you have to do it all on your own. It means leaning on God, family and friends. 

Another thing I've learned about my own strength is that sometimes in order to become stronger, I have to fall apart a little. Sometimes I just need a good cry, and a chance to pour out my heart to God. I've also had to learn to surrender situations that I couldn't control. Sometimes, I start to spiral and have to give it back to God because I like to try to take back the controls.

I am beyond thankful for a couple friends and family members that I've been able to confide in. Those few who have seen me bare my soul, talked me down as I was crying so hard I was hyperventilating, who have prayed for me, embraced me in a hug, or given me meaningful advice. Those who have shown me love, when I don't feel lovable or done something funny just because they know it'll make me laugh. 

I've remained strong not just because of myself, but because of God and those friends and family members who have held me up when I needed a boost.

I AM a strong woman. I am proud of who I am, and I am proud that I'm starting to become more of who I want to be.

Life will always be filled with good times and bad times. I will choose to stay strong through it all. But, if you ever see me starting to drown, reach out and let me lean on you for awhile. We all need someone who will remind us of who we are, what we are capable of and to remind us of our inner strength.

Ultimately, whether I had picked that word or not, life still would've been insane this year, but I'm still glad I chose it.

I've had about enough of the craziness though. I think in 2021, I'll pick something like "wealth"!