If you would have asked me just a few years ago if I would ever consider having a spinal fusion, I would have told you absolutely not. I know I write about my back a lot, but it's because it's a big part of my life.
If you're new to this, then let me give you a little review. I was diagnosed with scoliosis around the age of 12 I would guess. I had to be fitted for a back brace to try and stop the curvature as I continued to grow. This was horrifying to me. Those braces were big and bulky, and I was at the most awkward stage of my life. Middle school. I had to wear it almost 24 hours a day. Sleeping sucked. I definitely had nights that I would wake up and take it off without my mom knowing. It was uncomfortable, made me sweat and made me extremely self-conscious. Looking back, I don't think anyone cared that I was wearing a brace, and some kids probably didn't even know, but in my head everyone was making fun of me and whispering about me.
Skip ahead, and I finally stopped growing, so I didn't have to wear the brace anymore. Freedom! Scoliosis never caused me any pain...which was probably another reason I hated the brace. I didn't see why I needed to wear it, if my back didn't even hurt. I was given the option of surgery back then, and I can remember sobbing at the kitchen table explaining all the reasons why I didn't want it to my mom. I was in what the doctor called the "gray area". I didn't need to have it, but I could get it. In the end, I got my way. I don't necessarily regret it because I feel like I had valid reasons.
In my early 20's I had minimal pain. More like a pinched nerve here and there, but nothing bad.
By my late 20's and 2 kids later the pain was starting to show up more frequently.
I can't really pinpoint when in my early 30's that the pain set in, and it just never went away. I saw an orthopedic doctor when James was 2. He pretty rudely informed me that the only thing that was going to fix me was surgery. There was just no way. A. I was terrified. B. I had 2 young children that I took care of daily. I couldn't do it. I remember going to my car and just breaking down and trying to accept that this was my life now. Constant pain. He wouldn't even consider any medications.
I didn't even try to see another orthopedic doctor until 3 years ago. That's when I met my current doctor. He has been so amazing to me. Never has pressured me. He explains things clearly and actually cares about my well being.
Last summer I finally decided that I was ready for surgery. As my doctor told me 3 years ago, "You will know when and if you're ready. The surgery is major and usually happens when you feel like your quality of life is declining."
Last week I finally had the appointment I had been waiting for. I got my surgery date! I had invited my mom to come along because she will be the one taking care of me for a few weeks afterward and I wanted her to meet my doctor since he will be performing the surgery. I had a list of probably 12 questions and my mom had a small list as well. He sat and answered every single one oy them.
The recovery will be brutal. Especially the first week or two. The first few months I can't bend or twist as my spine fuses together. I will have to learn new ways of doing things. There's even a specific way they teach you how to get out of bed called "the log roll". My surgery is scheduled for the day after school gets out. When I tell people this they think I'm crazy because I won't have fun summer break. My focus is recovering, so I'm well enough to get right back to work in August...which he said is doable.
The surgery itself will be around 5 to 6 hours. Rods and screws will be placed in a large portion of my spine. Likely from about T2-L2. This will all be decided after my next MRI. Bone grafts will be placed between the vertebrae.to help fuse the whole spine together in those areas. He will maneuver my spine to get it as straight as possible. It likely will still have a curve, but not nearly like it is now. It all depends on how arthritic my bones have become.
I'm not scared of the surgery itself. I am worried about the pain and recovery, but he told me that they will make sure I have the "good stuff". I'll be in the hospital a few days and then be able to recover at home. After about 6 weeks, once the incision is healed, I will be able to start PT. I could have hugged my doctor when I asked about the bone graft, and he said they don't take it from the hip anymore. I had a previous surgery on my foot, where a graft was taken from my hip and it still hurts from time to time.
This surgery will be life changing. Hopefully life changing in a good way! My nerve pain should go away (although I've read it's common for other nerves to get messed up, so lets hope not). Hopefully it will help my acid reflux. I'm hoping my rib pain lessens as well. I just want to be able to do things without thinking, "How badly am I going to hurt after this?" I took a 2 mile walk yesterday and have been hurting all day today.
Life will never be the same in certain ways. I will never bend like I do now. I will have to learn to bend at the hip. No more slouching, even if I want to. There may be a few things I won't ever be able to do, but for the most part I should be able to do quite a bit. I'm a little worried about things like cleaning the litter box, shaving my legs and cutting my toe nails...but then I remember that we as humans can really learn to adapt to anything.
My biggest goal in all of this is to stay positive. I told my doctor that I've heard that a positive attitude can help you heal more quickly. He said that's true. I know there will be days in the beginning that will be HARD and I know I'll cry and be frustrated, but I also know that I've got God on my side and He will help me through. After that, it's full steam ahead with getting better...well maybe not full steam. I don't think I'm supposed to push myself super hard. Plus I will have my mom here for awhile. And I know when she leaves I have friends here that will help me too. Let me know if you like cutting toe nails...because I'm gonna need help!
96 days until my spine doesn't look like this anymore!
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