Worthy of Good

Sometimes new beginnings can be a good thing. It's been awhile since I've written, but maybe I'll get back into again a little more this year.

I was very thankful for the beginning of a new year. It's not that last year was particularly awful. It had it's good moments and not so good ones just like any year. By the time you reach the end though, it's kind of nice to "wipe the slate clean" and start out fresh.

Some people spend New Year's Eve out partying. That has never been my thing. Others stay up to ring in the new year at home. That was once me. The me before children. How did I spend mine? I was hoping with a couple of friends of mine but that didn't work out. I ended up eating a dinner for one out of a Styrofoam container while crying. Then binge eating every crappy food that I could fit into my stomach while watching Top Gun Maverick. Oh, but that's not all my friends. Then I had a giant emotional breakdown and cried until I had no more tears left. My mom messaged me and asked if I was going to go to Calvary the next morning? She knew I had been thinking about it. I told her "maybe". She encouraged me to go, and then I promptly fell asleep at 10pm.

Pretty depressing.

As weird as it seems though, I'm glad that I broke down. I'm glad that I cried my eyes out. I'm glad that in my saddest moment I decided to do something I hadn't done in awhile. I opened my Bible app and started a new devotional reading.

Last Sunday I got up and got myself ready for church. I texted a couple of good friends and told them to pray for me because I was nervous. It took me a few minutes of sitting in my van contemplating what I was about to do, before taking a deep breath and walking into Calvary. I didn't think people would be unwelcoming, but I still wasn't sure how I would be received. I purposely got there close to service time, so I could just sit back and slowly take things in. We weren't even halfway through the 2nd song and I was smiling. After the service I was greeted with open arms from so many people. I had missed those people so much more than I had let myself realize.

This week I was excited to go back. Not only would the boys be able to come with me, but one of my best friends who also used to go joined me this time. She calls me her "Emotional Support Person". I once again felt the love of others, and I watched as people greeted her with open arms just as I had been. 

God has always used music to speak to me...when I'm willing to listen. That's why I always loved singing on worship team there. Today we sang a song that I love, but I REALLY heard the words. Here I was singing, and in true Rachel fashion, sweating and fanning myself with a bulletin. Yet, as we sang these words my entire body was covered in goosebumps. Naturally I've been listening to it on repeat the entire day.

The sermon was just what I needed to hear and we were reminded that each one of us is worthy of good our lives. 

A conversation with Daniel is what brought up the topic of Calvary a couple of weeks ago. It all started with talking about Taylorville and how he loves it. I told him that I hated it when I first moved here in 2009. Then I got used to it but I still didn't love it. He asked me when I decided that I did love it? I said, "When I started going to Calvary. That's when I finally felt like Taylorville was my "home"." He said, "Well...why don't we go back there? I miss it." I'm so glad we had that conversation because these past 2 weeks I've felt "home" again. 

I am home. I am worthy of good. And I will sing of the goodness of God.