Everyone Has a Story

Fair warning. This is LONG.

In the class I'm attending at church we've been encouraged to write out our testimony. We talked about how a lot of times when we're raised in church and saved at a young age that we feel like we really don't have an amazing story like some people have...but we still have a story. We still have been on our own journey with God.

I've done a lot of reflecting and I don't even know what all I'll write about, but I realized I do have a testimony.

I was 4 years old when I knew that I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. We talked about it at church and at home, and I can remember sitting on the couch with my mom and praying and asking Jesus to come into my heart. For a 4 year old, it's not like I instantly felt like a changed person, like others who have experienced accepting Christ at an older age. I just knew that it was something that I wanted. It just felt right. I've been told and heard from others that at 4 years old you can't possibly know and be mature enough to become a Christian. I respectfully disagree. I had that desire. I don't feel that I was pressured into it. No one told me I was going to live in the deapths of Hell if I didn't do it.

I grew up in Baptist churches throughout my life. I went to Sunday School, Children's Church, AWANA (our Wednesday night program). I can look back and think specifically of so many of my teachers and leaders that had some kind of impact in my life. My mom worked with me every week to memorize my Bible verses for AWANA. She taught me a song to learn the books of the New Testament and I still sing it to this day.

When I was 10, I asked about being baptized. I attended a class taught by the pastor about it and was baptized one Sunday evening at church. I believe that baptism is something we are supposed to do because God commanded it, but it is a symbol of our new life in Christ. Just the act of baptism alone isn't going to save you. You must ask God into your heart to be saved.

Through middle school and most of high school I had my ups and downs. I would go through phases of really feeling close to God, and then other times when I just didn't care. I had wonderful influences from leaders at church. I went on 3 mission trips in the United States. I loved going to youth conferences because they always drew me closer to God. Pressures of life would always creep in though...just like they still do and always will. The times I needed God more, were always the times I would push him away. I needed the power. I needed the control.

By the time I graduated high school, I was in a good place with God. I enjoyed working as a youth leader, teaching VBS, and being involved in children's ministries. I was running Power Point some Sundays and singing in Worship Team on other Sundays. When you're involved sometimes all you can think of is how burned out you are, or how mundane the things you do are. Other times everything was great!  I hope that I made a difference in someone's life. I hope that maybe just one person was touched from God using me.

But, like I said. Those insecurities can creep in. The doubt. Feeling worn down. Feeling like you're doing everything and that you don't have a purpose. Those are the times I'd pull away. I'd pull away from God and from church. I can remember one time after taking a few months off from church, I went back, and everything felt right. I was "home" with my church family. Everyone hugged me and embraced me. And then we sang, "Come Thou Fount". There's a line in that song that tugs at my heart every time I feel myself falling away.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love

 Often times, I hear God speaking to me through music, and He always know what I need to hear.

I remember one year taking the youth group kids to a couple's house from church for a get together. It was Clay and Ruth's house and Clay was talking about all of their mission trips to Ukraine. He told me I should come, and I laughed and said I was NEVER planning to leave the US. Little did I know a year or two later, I would be called to go with them! One Sunday, Clay spoke at church about their trips and after the service he and Ruth were in the back with photos from their previous trips. Between his testimony and the photos I felt God tugging at my heart strings. "But um...God? I said I wasn't leaving the country!" I asked a few questions and once again Clay told me that I should come with them. This time I said I would pray about it. I got in my car to drive home and my Casting Crowns CD blaring. The first song that came on was one I never really listened to. I usually skipped over it. That day, I heard my answer loud and clear!

 If you ask me to leap
Out of my boat on the crashing waves
If You ask me to go
Preach to the lost world that Jesus saves

I'll go, but I cannot go alone
Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, 
And I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, 
By the power of Christ in me

If You ask me to run
And carry Your light into foreign land
If You ask me to fight
Deliver Your people from Satan's hand

I'll go, but I cannot go alone
Cause I know I'm nothing on my own
But the power of Christ in me makes me strong
Makes me strong

Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that You want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, 
And I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, 
By the power of Christ in me

To reach out with Your hands
To learn through Your eyes
To love with the love of a Savior
To feel with Your heart
And to think with Your mind
I'd give my last breath for Your glory
God worked out every detail of that trip. I believe I needed around $2000 to go. I sent out support letters and God provided every dollar I needed. I had one couple come up to me at church and hand me a check for $500 because God laid it on their hearts. $500! That trip was amazing. It took me out of my comfort zone. I met new people. I sang for a Ukrainian church. I hugged and loved on some orphans (and almost tried to bring a few home with me!). I did crafts with the kids at camp...where many accepted Christ! I'm so thankful that I followed that call.



This little guy called me "Mama!"



I wish I could say after that trip I've led this amazing life where I'm a model Christian. I've still had ups and downs. When I moved to Illinois from Iowa when we got married I was really down. Jacob was a part of a church, and while I am so thankful for some of the friends we had there, it never felt right for me. I really started falling away again. We eventually stopped going once our close friends moved away. I was pregnant with Daniel and we decided we just needed a break.

Well that break turned into 8 months. 8 months of lounging at home on Sundays. Then we finally decided to try another church here in Taylorville. We went for probably 7 months or more, but it never felt right either. I was there going through the motions. Sing. Listen to a sermon. Doodle on my bulletin... Only 2 people really bothered to learn my name or anything about me while we were there.

After months of not feeling "it" we stopped going again. That was early 2013 and it wasn't until the beginning of this past August that I felt ready to try church again. I want our boys involved and learning about Jesus. The boys and I have attended Calvary now for 6.5 months and I LOVE it. I love the people, I love the music, I love that I feel at home there. There are always friendly faces. People are genuinely excited to see my kids each week. After the first time I visited, someone showed up from church with a plate of fresh baked cookies! I can feel God's love in that church. I can feel him working there. I take so much away from the messages. There have been a few times when I've wanted to just stay home, but every time I go, I don't regret it.

Daniel always come out of class with a smile on his face and can accurately tell me his Bible stories. James comes out smiling. He likes to pray and it has made a big impact on me. I still need to work on setting aside time to pray, but Daniel makes me accountable. Daniel asks me to pray before we do things. I have NEVER been comfortable praying out loud. Ever. But with him, I can and I enjoy it.

A couple of weeks ago, Pastor Steve shared about his recent trip to Hati, and I sat there knowing full well, that God has plans for me still. I still have a deep desire to go on more mission trips and I pray that one day I will get that opportunity again.

I also watched almost a whole family get baptized and as the kids were being baptized I was tearing up thinking and praying for our boys, and hoping one day I'll see them baptized at well.

I can't wait to get more involved at church. I want to start working in the nursery and who knows what else! I'll just have to pray and wait to see what God has in store for me!

I did not mean to write THIS much and there's much more I could share, but if you made it this far, maybe you'll have a better understanding of me and my relationship with God. :)