I've written about having scoliosis many times over the years. It generally happens when I'm experiencing more pain. It's been a way to help myself cope with it and show myself that I can always push through it.
One thing that I have always remained adamant about it that I will not have surgery to have rods placed in my back. I've seen a handful of doctors over the years. My first doctor did recommend surgery when I was done growing and had finished wearing my back brace. This would have been the late 90's. At that time my curve was around 40 degrees. I had experienced no pain at all and couldn't fathom why I would want a major surgery for something that didn't bother me. It all seemed too risky and painful.
In my mid-20's I started noticing a twinge of pain here and there, or I'd tweak the same spot in my back frequently.
By the time I hit my 30's the word chronic pain was officially in my vocabulary. My insurance was somewhere between crappy and non-existent so I just dealt with it and would go to an urgent care when the pain would get really bad. I'd get a shot of Toradol, some muscle relaxers and if I was lucky a few actual pain killers. It was usually enough for me to push through it and I'd start feeling better.
I remember getting referred to an orthopedic doctor once when Daniel was 4 and James was 1. I went in optimistically thinking he'd have a solution for me. He looked at me and said, "You need surgery. There is nothing I can do to help you except a spinal fusion. You won't able to pick up your kids. You're going to be down and out for months. But that's all I can offer you." I left that appointment so disheartened that I got into my van and sobbed.
Then a couple of years ago I was referred to my current orthopedic doctor. I went in feeling very leery. He was amazing. He sent me for an MRI, did x-rays and sat and talked to me with compassion and empathy. He suggested I try cortisone injections and then talked with me about surgery. He didn't push it though. He told me the older you get, the harder it is, but to not let that make me feel like I HAD to do it. He also said that just because it gets harder and possibly more complicated, it can still be done.
My hopes for the injections were quickly dashed when I found out that without insurance it was going to cost me something in the thousands of dollars range...so I did what I always do. Pushed through. (Well...first I cried again...then I pushed through). Then just over a year ago I was finally able to try the injections. The positive was that it worked SO well. The negative was that it lasted about 2 days and then the pain came back. You guys... For those 2 days I was like Grandpa Joe in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when I he got out of bed and started dancing around.
I would say this past year has been the hardest on me. When I mention chronic pain, I truly mean pain that never goes away. It's always there. Some days it's my "normal" pain. (FYI...there should never be a normal pain). Other days I hurt pretty badly. I have stretches where I hurt for weeks on end and live in fear that this will be the time the worse pain just doesn't subside. But even on those days, I can smile right at you and tell you I'm fine. I'd also like to just put it out there that I'm pretty sure if I took an entire bottle of Advil (disclaimer: I am NOT) it wouldn't touch the pain.
I made an appointment over a month ago to meet with my ortho again and see about trying injections again. Today was the day. This past week leading up to it I kept thinking, "He's going to bring up surgery again, so brace yourself." Then a few nights ago I found myself watching YouTube videos and reading up on spinal fusions...and you know what? I actually started considering it.
I went in with an open mind today. We did x-rays. We talked. And while I'm still not entirely sure, I think this is something that I am now strongly considering. I have time to think and pray, as I don't want to have it until late next spring when preschool is done.
If you don't know what a spinal fusion is, here's just a small definition:
Spinal fusion is surgery to permanently connect two or more vertebrae in your spine, eliminating motion between them.
Spinal fusion involves techniques designed to mimic the normal healing process of broken bones. During spinal fusion, your surgeon places bone or a bonelike material within the space between two spinal vertebrae. Metal plates, screws and rods may be used to hold the vertebrae together, so they can heal into one solid unit.
It's invasive. It's a major surgery that takes 8+ hours to complete. It's a week long stay in the hospital. It's a 3 month recovery. It's enduring more pain to hopefully walk away with less pain. At the present time my curve is 65 degrees. Unfortunately, it is also severely arthritic...meaning it's stiff as a board and doesn't have much flexibility in it. This means that it will be harder to correct. He thinks he can get the curve back down to around 35 degrees.
If I choose to do this, it really will take a village. But I already have family and friends jumping onboard to support me and say that they will help. I just pray that I will ultimately make the right choice for me.
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