A Fresh Start

If I type it here, it has to be true, right?

I battle with binge eating. I love me some carbs and sugar and when I slack off from a diet or exercise, I immediately start eating. It gets worse and worse until I hit my breaking point and start all over again.

It's a vicious cycle, and I joke about it to cope. I know it seems easy enough. Just don't eat. But it's a true addiction and unlike alcohol or drugs, there's no way to just NOT eat. Yes. I can eat healthier, but as soon as I see that "bad" food tempting me I want it.

I lie to myself when I binge. I tell myself that I'll start over tomorrow...for 4 months straight.
I say that I'll only have a handful of peanut butter M&M's, but I'll eat half a bag. Ice cream? Yeah, I could sit and eat that all day every day. I'll tell myself I don't need to get on the scale because if I don't, I don't have to fully face the reality that I'm gaining weight. I "wonder" why my clothes don't fit? Surely they just shrunk. Every single piece shrunk...that seems legit, right?

Well, tonight was the night. I was feeling grotesque after chowing down pizza tonight and probably consuming a billion calories, so I faced the music and stepped on the scale. Nothing can prepare you to look down and see the biggest number you've ever weighed. Especially when just 8 months ago you were 20 lbs lighter. I gained over 20 flipping pounds. I guess my theory on my clothes shrinking has been proven wrong.

I literally do this every year. I am a classic yo-yo dieter. If you look at My Fitness Pal, my weight looks like someone climbing up and down mountains for the past several years.

I think it's harder for me to lose weight now than before and that plays a part of why I eat. I eat for comfort. If the weight doesn't move, then I want to eat. I eat because it's something "cheap" I can do for satisfaction. (Although, to be honest it's not all that cheap when you're constantly buying it).

In my 20's I could drop 10 pounds in a few weeks. Now, I'm lucky to lose 1 or 2 and keep it off.  It could be a mix of anything. Mostly just my stupidity, but hormones change after having kids. My metabolism is slow. My anxiety meds and birth control could also be adding to weight gain. If I could quit either to see, I would...but it wouldn't be wise.

So...what do I do? How do I motivate myself to do this AGAIN?

Things I've tried in the past include:
Green tea extract in pill form
Hydroxycut (Yeah...I had to try)
Low calorie diet/ counting calories
Positive and encouraging notes to myself around the house.
Reading verses and devotions about it.
Slim Fast
Exercise: weights, bike, swimming, walking

You guys. I get so bored. Why is exercise and healthy eating so addictive to other people and not me? I HATE sweating. Like I have barely any tolerance for it. I'm a super picky eater, so when other people are all, "Yum! Carrots!" "Ooohhh! A kale shake!" Yeah. That makes me want to curl up and die.

My life is basically all carbs. I have to cut back, but reading the lists of food I can eat gives me like 5 foods. (okay...more than that, but not a lot). I get sick of health foods, but for some reason I can eat pizza or tacos every day for weeks on end.

I dislike cooking, so if I can't toss it all in a pan or something and call it a day it probably won't be healthy.

What has worked for you? I know I need to cut back on eating by a ton. I know I need exercise and do plan to get in the pool again within the next couple of weeks depending on how my PT goes and once I get a new swimsuit (Merry Christmas to me!) because we all know there's no way I'm going to squeeze myself into my old suit.

Here's to sticking to this and somehow making it through the Christmas season without over doing it. My mom is starting over too. The weekend of my birthday in April my sisters will both be home and mom wants family pictures taken. I have exactly 5 months from today until my birthday...and need to lose about 30lbs to be comfortable with myself.

Hit me up with your best tips. And just as a disclaimer...ain't no way I'm buying diet crap from a consultant.