Sometimes

Sometimes I want to run away. I dream of it in fact. I think a lot of moms do. I'm sure dads do too.

Sometimes I just want to sit in peace and quiet and watch what I want to watch on TV all day long. To eat meals without wiping up spilled food and food my kid flung because he didn't want it. Sometimes I miss doing laundry once a week instead of once a day.  I dream of going to the bathroom without a little person following me in so see what I'm doing. Sometimes it's no fun (okay it's never fun) to wipe a toddlers butt.

Sometimes I just want to get in the car and go without spending 20 minutes trying to get out the door and get both kids in their car seats. Sometimes I hate when stuff I just folded gets unfolded again by little hands. I wish messes just magically cleaned themselves up. Sometimes I imagine making it through one day with no sass.

Sometimes I want to clean my house in peace without "helpful hands". I dream of the day when I'm not asked "Why?" 8.5 billion times a day. Sometimes I long for the day when I will be able to sleep in without any cries or people climbing on me little I'm a dang jungle gym.

Sometimes I get frustrated and yell too much, and then feel like a failure.

But, then sometimes I remember that this won't last forever and when these days are gone I will long for them. I remind myself that someday I will be "free" to do all of those things that I dream of and while I know I'll enjoy it, I'll miss this. Maybe not the tantrums. Maybe not any of the hard stuff, but the little every day moments? Yeah. I'm gonna miss those.

Sometimes I'm sad because my first baby will be 4 years old this year, and I miss him being really little and innocent. Sometimes I'm sad that he's too big for me to carry anymore, even though just a couple of years ago I was already longing for the day he could hold my hand and walk. Speaking of that, sometimes I smile when his small hand finds mine and he holds it as we go on a walk. Someday he won't want to do that anymore. My heart isn't ready for that.

Sometimes my bedtime routine with Daniel annoys me because he stalls and we have to do all of these things before he's satisfied. At the same time though, I cherish those moments we spend rocking in his chair, reading, praying, talking and singing. Sometimes those moments at the end of the day are finally what made my day worthwhile.

Sometimes I get excited to take Daniel somewhere and I expect too much from him. Sometimes I'm more excited than him and when he doesn't cooperate or enjoy it, I get frustrated. But sometimes we have a blast, so I suppose I just have to take the risk because you just never know when a fun memory will be made.

Sometimes I can't wait to sleep through the night and not spend hours nursing. But most of the time I cherish those quiet moments at night,as I hold my sweet baby. I love knowing that I can feed him and provide food for him...and honestly I'll bawl like a baby when I'm done nursing him, just like a did with Daniel. It's such a strong bond between a Mommy and her babies.

Someday I'll miss all of this. I'm so very thankful to God for my 2 boys. I feel lucky to be their Mommy. It's no easy task. Some days I feel like super mom. Other days I feel like I've been defeated by one or both munchkins. Sometimes I just pray that I survive parenthood. Sometimes I hope that I don't completely screw it up.

One thing I know for sure though. No matter what, I love my kids with all of my heart. Forever and always.