What A Pain

My body hates me. If it's not one thing, it's another!

For a couple of months, I've had back and hip pain. The hip pain, is like what I had in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy. Because my hip hurts, my leg also hurts. So whenever I lift my leg up, to cross it or to put my pants on, pain shoots through my leg/hip area. It was manageable, and because I try to put off going to the doctor as much as possible, I let it go. I was hoping it would heal on its own.

Last week it got a lot worse, so I ended up calling to schedule an appointment with my doctor. They couldn't get me in until 3:00 on Monday. I figured that was fine. I've been living with this for quite awhile anyway.

Sunday morning I woke up at 5:45 and sat up. A horrible pain shot through me. I was too scared to even move, so I slowly laid back down. After about 15 minutes, I finally convinced myself to try to get up. It wasn't easy, but I needed to go to the bathroom. I hobbled back to bed and then could barely get back in. I had to pick up my leg and slowly lift it into the bed.

I ended up sobbing to Jacob and decided I would drive to Springfield and go to Prompt Care. You gotta know I'm in pain when I'll drive 30 minutes to go get checked out on the weekend. I drove myself so I could leave Daniel at home. It was painful, but I did it.

I told the nurse my problems and then the doctor came in. I always think it's silly that you have to tell the nurse what's wrong and then re-explain it all to the doctor even though the nurses record everything. Anyway, he had me lay down. Bent my leg this way and that and then diagnosed me with a sprained hip. Yeah. I didn't know you could sprain your hip either. I was kind of skeptical, because I didn't think he was very thorough. He told me he could put me on Naproxen and a muscle relaxer. He also asked if I'd like a shot to help with the pain. Um. Yes please. I can handle a stick to the butt if it means less pain in the long run.

The hardest thing for me was that neither of the meds that I was put on are a good combination with breastfeeding. Both come with the, "There are not enough studies to show if this is safe while breastfeeding." The doctor asked what I thought and I was in enough pain to agree. I knew we needed to wean at some point anyway.

I got in my car and barely made it out of Springfield before I was sobbing in my car. Was I really read to quit nursing? Was last night really my last time nursing my sweet baby to sleep? All I could think of was, "Let Me Hold You Longer", by Karen Kingsbury (Click the title if you haven't read it, but have a Kleenex handy.)  I was torn. I was contemplating even filling my prescriptions, but I did. Then I had to decide if I was going to nurse him one last time before taking it. I opted not to. I couldn't handle it. Nap time was rough. I decided a new routine was in order. I read him a book and we rocked. He cried. He grabbed my shirt. He looked at me with his sad chocolate eyes and signed, "Please" at me. I cried. We both cried ourselves to sleep. I felt better after napping and bedtime went a lot better. The doctor put me on a weeks worth of meds and said if I hadn't dried up, I could nurse him again. It's tempting, but I think it's time to be done. :(

As for the pain, the shot seemed to help at first. I could lift my leg up without having to use my hands to lift it. I really don't know if anything else is working...except the knot in my back that's been there for years seems to be feeling better.

As of today, the pain seems to be worsening again. Getting in and out of the car really sucks. And I do it a lot because I climb in to buckle Daniel in as well. I'm trying to let him walk more. We're learning how to hold hands. He's catching on. Although, the poor kid got blown over in the wind yesterday and today I parked a ways away from the doors and of course it was POURING when we came out, so I had to run while carrying my 25+ lb toddler. Daaaaang! I'll probably end up back at the doctor and spending more money to get this figured out. I'm so tired of doctors not totally listening to patients. I still think it has something to do with my back too. My lower back aches. I get numb occasionally. Not to mention I have these super weird toe spasms going on. It just bends over in its own, gets stuck and then pops back up.

Although, each day is getting easier with Daniel not nursing...except I'm still sad about it. Today was the first time he didn't pat my chest or cry when I said it was time for, "Night night" I didn't want to lose my bonding him, but with the new routine, he's starting to fall asleep on me. Makes me heart happy and makes me feel a little less sad. The biggest downside is that I'm slightly uncomfortable. Going from nursing 2 times a day still to not at all? Yeah. Not cool.

TMI ahead:
I remember when Daniel was first born I was counting down the months until he could drink milk! It was painful for me. I was engorged and it just plain HURT! I'd read up and everything said, "Oh the pain will last a couple of weeks and the engorgement will last a couple of weeks." LIES! The pain lasted for over a month and I was "full" for over 6 months. I had to wear nursing pads until Daniel was probably about 10 months. I felt tied down sometimes because I had to be around for him to eat. Don't get me wrong...I loved that I could feed my baby and I wouldn't take it back. In fact...if I would have had this pain before Daniel turned one, I would have never filled my prescriptions. Anyway, I fell in love with nursing and Daniel's doctor said it was perfectly fine to continue. He said most European countries nurse until 2. I had planned to let Daniel self wean or make sure he was done at 2, but everything happens for a reason. Now, I look forward to this bond with our next child! (Don't read into that...there is NO bun in the oven!) :)

I do believe this rambling has gone on long enough, and I hear a little man talking to himself in his crib.