Being Content Is Harder Than It Seems

I am very happy to say that Daniel is 100% better since the last post. The poor boy had a double ear infection. Then we found out that he was allergic to amoxicillin. He just couldn’t catch a break there for a few days and it was so sad to see him sick.

He also had his 9 month checkup and is doing great. Growing like a weed! His weight gain has slowed up a little bit, but the way that boy tears around our house, it’s no wonder. He’s probably burning  tons of calories each day!

After 4 very long and itchy weeks, my poison ivy is almost gone. FINALLY! It’s all dried out, but still a bit itchy in places. I never ever want that again. It was absolutely miserable.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. Mostly with jealousy and envy. I try to be content with what I have. It's hard though, when we live in a world where there is so much technology You can't help but notice all of the cool things that other people have. Sometimes it's not even the "cool" stuff. We have to be very careful with our money and it's stressful. Lately, I've been stressing myself out over something to the point where I have a hard time sleeping at night and I'm certain I've experienced an anxiety attack or two.

Then I watch these shows on HGTV and have house envy. It makes me dream of this beautiful home in my mind and then I look at our house. Do not get me wrong. I am so THANKFUL for a house. I KNOW there are so many people worse off than me. This is just my own personal envy and wishful thinking. I wish we could make this house nicer. I wish we could make it more energy efficient. It needs new windows, furnace and air conditioning, but we can't afford to do that. But hey...at least it has windows! At least the air and furnace run. Right?

I'm jealous of people who can go on vacation every year. Okay, it's not like I never get to go on vacation either. Obviously we go to St. Louis and we had our big 1 year anniversary trip to Florida. Not to mention my mom and dad pretty much funded my entire trip to California for my sister's wedding. But, I know deep down, other than if my mom decides to fund another trip, I'm not going anywhere for awhile. I'm insanely thankful for her doing that and for paying for a lot of things when we visit Iowa.

I'm frustrated because we're finally eating better (that's the good part!), but for some reason eating healthy means higher grocery bills. No matter how hard I try I keep going over our allotted grocery budget each week because we keep running out of what we need. That's even with doing a lot of shopping at Aldi.

Then, I'm jealous of petty things. I'm totally jealous of everyone who goes out and get pedicures. Okay...now lets face it, I'm stingy with money would normally wouldn't pay for this anyway, but it's still nice to dream. Ha ha! I usually get one a year with my birthday money.

I'm super jealous of everyone with smart phones...which pretty much seems like almost everyone in America. The only way we could afford it would be to go with a pre paid service, but then you risk having spotty coverage and places with no coverage. Sigh.

I envy those going to college football games this year. Yeah. Yeah. I got spoiled because Jacob had season tickets before we got married. We gave them up last year though to save money.

Sometimes I want to just go do something fun with Daniel during the day, but it seems most things cost money or at least quite a bit of gas money (it is SO not fair that when I started driving gas was only a little over $1/gal!).

So, there you have it. That' s my pity party.

Then there's my confession. Sometimes I feel guilty. I never thought I would, but I do. I feel guilty that I'm not providing anything for our family. I feel like I should be doing something too. I mean, I AM. I'm Daniel's totally awesome, super rad, fantabulous Mommy (I'm so humble). I take amazing care of him. I keep the house running, with the help of my hubby (who, by the way is a pretty rockin' Daddy and wonderful teacher!) Yet, I still find myself wishing there were a way for me to bring in some income without sacrificing my being at home with Daniel. I've toyed with making and selling crafts online. I just don't know how well that would work. Not to mention no matter what, I'd have to figure out how to file for taxes etc. It all seems like a giant headache.

Anyway...I just needed to type this all out to get it off my chest. Whew.