The Hardest Thing

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I've been thinking on this one for a couple of days, but having a hard time coming up with anything. I can think of struggles I've faced, but compared to other peoples struggles they don't seem so bad. I'm thankful for that though.

I guess I'll go with my Great Grandma dying, followed by my Grandpa 2 months later.

I was only 14 years old when they both passed away and it was really they were some of the first death experiences that I had. I had an uncle who passed away by committing suicide when I was in 4th grade, which is REALLY hard for a 10 year old to comprehend (I mean, it's hard no matter how old you are really.). I wasn't allowed to go to that funeral though.

With Great Grandma and Grandpa, I watched them die. I knew they were sick. Both had cancer. We drove to Chariton several times in those last months to get to spend time with them. Actually, I don't think anyone knew Grandpa would go as quickly as he did, but after watching Great Grandma, I think he gave up hope.

It was really "real" until the final time that I saw each of them.

Great Grandma was in and out of it the whole time we were there visiting. I was sad, but okay until it was time to say goodbye. I knew deep down this would be the last time I would see her alive here on Earth. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to leave. I took her hand and she looked up at me and said, "I love you." I said, "I love you too.", but that's all I could say before I had to leave the room. I didn't want her to see me crying.

If I remember right she lived for another few days before passing away. Her funeral was hard on me. It was more the visitation. I cried that whole night. I just couldn't stop.

Then with Grandpa, we had been down to visit the weekend before he passed,and he was the best we had seen him in a long time. He had been joking and telling us stories. Then Grandma called and said he was asking for us. We headed down, and I knew again that this was goodbye. He was awake when we got there and we talked to him. He was in his hospital bed (on Hospice) and extremely pale. He fell asleep while we were eating lunch and didn't wake when it was time for us to leave. We said our goodbyes (and again, I cried for quite awhile). In the end, he never did wake back up. He died in the middle of the night, probably about 10 hours after we left. I've always been grateful that he "hung on" for us to make it there.

While they were hard to experience, I'm thankful that in both situations I got closure.