I spend a better portion of my life stressed out or worried. I don't know why. I guess I've done it for so long, that it's hard to stop. It's as though I have a switch in my brain and the second something isn't going the way I had planned on it going, it flips and my entire body is flooded with panic. I tend to try and brush it off. I don't want others to know that I'm worried over stupid things. My husband knows though. I apparently have a look that instantly shows him that I'm in panic mode. Even then I try to cover it up. Why? I don't know.
I wish I were one of those people that could just roll with the punches. Embrace life each and every day. Live carefree. My mind won't let me do that. I know it's mental. I know I could overcome a lot of it, but I won't let myself. I've prayed many times about it. I feel better for awhile, but eventually worry and doubt creep back in.
I can recall moments of stress and panic as far back as kindergarten. I've always been a people pleaser. I don' t like to hurt people's feelings. I don't like to rock the boat. I don't like feeling like I'm going to get in trouble if I say something and someone takes it the wrong way. I hold it in and let it stress me out. I vent to other people about my problems, but I won't do anything to fix them. My "fix" is being able to vent about it.
I worry about everything. Just about everything anyway. I'll worry about what the weather is going to be like for an event that's 3 weeks away. I worry about people I love getting hurt or dying. I worry about clutter. My biggest worry though is money. Even when I know that we have money in the bank I worry.
I have this fear of running out. I worry about how we'll pay for big expenses in the future. I hate when we get a bill in the mail and it's more than expected. Then I feel guilty for indulging in fun things like tickets to ballgames and going out to eat. I feel like that money could be used to pay for things in life that we need. I have fun in the moment. I wouldn't take back those moments, but it still makes me feel guilty in moments when we're paying for something unexpected.
Now all I hear is that gas prices could go up to as much as $5 a gallon this summer. That's scary. How are people expected to pay for that? Good grief. I barely make minimum wage.
This post is depressing. I just needed to get my thoughts out in words. I know I'm better off than many. I know that I need to trust in God to provide and believe in His security. I know all the right Bible verses. Now I just need the strength to actually stop worrying and stressing so much.
I am sorry you struggle this way Rachel, I am praying for you. love you, girl
ReplyDeleteRachel, something that has helped me (I'm a worrier too) is to play the "what if" game with myself. An example: Gas prices. What if I can't afford my bills and my gas tank? I could find a co-worker that lives near by and take turns car pooling. I could walk or ride my bike on sunny days. I could sell some stuff on ebay or craigslist that I haven't used in awhile. I could plan my errands out for one side of town. I could cut costs on cable, etc.
ReplyDeleteWhat if someone I know gets angry at me often....are they worth the stress? If yes, do I need to pray about an opportunity to talk to them. Is it something that I'm triggering in them, or an issue I don't know they are dealing with? If no, the stress is not worth it...then maybe its time to back off and destress your life by only seeing them in social settings.
What if someone I love gets a serious illness. I will cry and feel bad. But I will be strong around them, or cry with them (the Bible tells us to be in the moment with them). I will live one day at a time standing with this person and I will pray for strength and wisdom. I won't look too far in the future because it will stress me out with the unknowns. I will live in this moment and be thankful for the time I have with this loved one. I will deal with what happens as it comes.
I think you get my drift. You're a smart intelligent woman, and you will and HAVE dealt with everything that has been put in front of you up to this point. The "what ifs" are very tiny compared to reality. They really are. I would recommend journaling all of your worries...all of them! Then journal what comes to mind when you pray about them, and then journal about what really happened when it was all said and done. You will be surprised by the lack of "what ifs" in your journal. You'll also see God's provisions for you. Sometimes its taking a month at a time, a week at a time, a day at a time, and for those really difficult times...a minute at a time with those that love you standing with you. Build community and rely on the Lord. Love you. Linda E.
One more quick note....worrying isn't a character flaw. It shows you are a deep thinker. You just need to see God's provision. Try the journal out for a month. : ) Linda
ReplyDeleteI like what Linda said up there. I have been "worrying" about money since I got laid off - JERRY always reminds me GOD WILL PROVIDE. I am so much like you Rachel on that part. I do "feel guilty" when I "indulge" in fun things... I think I will try the "what if" -- how is this one: "What if I don't get a job? Will I starve, no. Will I lose the house, probably not, if we do, it's not really our house anyway. What if my insurance runs out nd I can't get my medicine? Well, I could go to the VA hospital - after all I am a vet." That was good - thanks Rachel for posting and thanks Linda for giving such lovingly advice.
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