Yesterday I spent quite awhile in Springfield shopping. I went in search of a bridesmaid dress for Erica's wedding. Kendra and I get to pick our own dresses. Our only instructions were they're supposed to be black and above the knee. I ended up picking this dress and I love it!
I actually found it at Kohls. I didn't expect to find a dress there, but I'm glad that I went. I started at the mall and couldn't even find anything worth trying on. I get stressed when things aren't going as I hope, but Kohls was my next stop so I didn't stress too long. Then I went to Old Navy, Bed Bath and Beyond and Target too. Plus I got to enjoy lunch at Panera!
Jacob isn't a Panera fan to I eat there whenever I go shopping by myself. It was nice to shop yesterday. Jacob thinks I don't like to go with him, but I do. I just enjoy days where I can go alone. I can look at everything that I like to look at and don't have to go to the electronics section. :) I've always liked to have times where I shop alone. It's relaxing (if I already have what I've gone in search of, that is).
I also bought presents for my little twin girls at daycare. They're my one of my co-workers daughters. Their birthday party was this afternoon.
These are the outfits I got for them. (I totally want a girl first...SO many cute clothes!)
They weren't sure about everything that was going on today!
Kathleen with her birthday cupcake
JoAnn with her birthday cupcake.
JoAnn got into a lot more than her sister!
Me and the girls! (They were more concerned about the balloon behind the camera, than smiling)
I'm glad that I decided to go to the party today. I wasn't sure if I wanted to or not because I didn't know how many people I would actually know, but a few co-workers came, so it was fine. I usually opt out of stuff, but I've grown pretty attached to the girls. They've only missed 1 day of daycare since they started last March, so I've been with them A LOT.
Plus I just wasn't having a good day up to that point. Sundays make me sad. I don't know what triggers it some weeks, but I probably cry more on Sundays than any other day. I struggle a lot with our church. There's so much about it that just frustrates me and whenever something like that happens, I find myself wishing I were still at Valley View (and then my mind just starts spinning). I miss Valley View. What I miss the most are the people. The hugs. The friendliness of everyone (even Cal...who I was totally scared of at first!). I don't know. It just felt like a big family instead of a group of people that I still barely know.
Yeah...some of that is my fault. I'm not the type of person that just bounds up to people I don't know well to talk to them. People just kinda came to me at VV. I felt like I belonged. I just feel like a misfit at church here and I feel like a misfit at work sometimes too. Pretty much everyone has known everyone else from birth. Because I missed Valley View, I started missing Emily too. My best friend. I don't really have one of those here. I have a few good friends, but it's not the same. My best friends are scattered. One in California, one in Chicago and one in Cedar Rapids. I miss them all! :(
All that being said, I love my husband. He's always here for me to hold me and listen to me cry. I know he feels guilty at times because he's the reason I moved here. He shouldn't feel guilty. It was my decision. But I'm a big ball of emotions and I still get homesick. I wonder if this will ever subside? I love our home. I love Jacob. He's kind of my rock and I can't imagine my life without him in it.
Anyway...now I've had my pity party so I'll try to get over it. It at least feels good to get it off my chest.
Ok...well Brianne and I were talking last week about how we all need to get together and go shopping in Springfield so check out your calendar and let us know when you're available. We were thinking of hitting some craft stores among other things. Also, I know Jacob isn't a fan of Potlucks but you're not going to get to know anyone in the Church if you don't become a part of it yourself. Also, my favorite nights now are Wednesdays bc I get to see all my favorite people and there's more of a chance to talk to them. Believe me, I know what it's like to feel pooped at the end of the day but I think you'll end up being refreshed at the end of the night. It's called Oasis for a reason. ;) Just saying...
ReplyDeleteRachel Mae, I remember when I got married I cried alot. I think it was because I missed home and the things/places that were familiar to me. I moved to Arizona! I can understand how you are feeling. That doesn't make it better, but just thought I'd let you know. I too miss the VVBC hugs. The church we're at now is not a huggy church. Also, I think there's something about small towns where it seems harder to fit in because it does seem that everyone knows everyone ... except you. Just let the tears flow when you need to and be thankful you have a husband to hold you during those times. Love you! Auntie J
ReplyDeletegood advice from both the comments above
ReplyDeleteglad you vented sometimes that helps too
just know we at V V miss you too (as well as your Aunt Jeanne) wish I was there to hug you now (your Aunt Jeanne too)
love you, girl!
I wish I could hug you to Rachel - you truly are missed! I know the "feeling" of being homesick I think I have told you that before. After 20 some years I still yearn to go "home" to CA but not going to happen. I am so thankful that I found VV family - and in time dear one your church will be your "family" too!!! Give it time...
ReplyDelete