I used to blog all the time. Lately I have a hard time coming up with stuff! I used to talk about work a lot when I lived in Iowa. I try not to write too much about that anymore. All I'll say is that I've been really stressed out with it lately. I've got daycare burnout again.
It's always times like these that I think, "I should have gone to college and gotten a degree." Although if I had, it would've been in Early Childhood Education, so where would that have gotten me? I'd still be in a daycare and probably making the same amount of money!
Jacob suggested recently that I enroll at a nearby community college and go for a 2 year degree. Here's my problem. I don't know what I want to be "when I grow up"! Would I be that happy with anything? The only job I've really ever wanted is to be a mom, and God willing he'll provide...but it's not something I can go to school for. :)
School intimidates me. I was never that great at it. I just kind of coasted through not really caring. I fear I would be the same way. I hated homework. I was known to finish homework 5 minutes before it was due. I'd feel pressured and instead of letting it drive me to do better, it just made me not care. I somehow still squeaked by at graduating with honors though.
Not to mention, some things just do not click in my brain. I can't retain that much. I'd go through confusion, to frustration, to complete stress, to just giving up! Sometimes I have to make Jacob explain things to me like I'm 5, because I get so confused. I think my brain is slightly messed up!
Anyway...I think my biggest fear is the unknown. I'm too scared to take a leap. Not that I know what I want to leap into, but even if I did I would probably chicken out. So, I continue to be stressed out.
I came home crying on my break on Friday over things that happened at work. As I told Jacob everything he prayed for me that God would show me what I needed to do. I went back and a parent of one of my babies showed up. He wasn't even there that day, but she popped her head in to tell me how much she appreciates me specifically and is so thankful for the care that I give to her baby.
Talk about confusion. I LOVE babies. So, am I in the right place regardless of my stress?
I have no idea.
I had no idea where this post was going, so if it's all over the place I'm sorry. Well...no I'm not. My blog title is "Randomly Rachel" after all.
Thanks for sharing your stress with all of your friends, Rachel. Dad and I are praying as are many more, I'm sure. And, sadly, you are your mother's daughter when it comes to learning. Love you!
ReplyDeletei'm praying for you foggus! i'm the same way too with learning things and having people explain things to me! love you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are having a difficult time with your job. I know how that feels. I know that I enjoy being a secretary, but not always in a particular work place. I think you would possibly enjoy what you're doing more if you were in a different place. Praying for you. Love you! Auntie J
ReplyDeleteWhen i was reading through this last night i was thinking about how i went to kirkwood for a semester in 2002, not really knowing why...just to take some classes. i really liked it but didn't continue on but i did enjoy it while i was there. There was enough time between then and high school that it didn't feel like the same struggle. Maybe you'd enjoy taking a creative writing class or a photography class? Both things you are naturally talented in...might lead to something else? Just a few thoughts. Love you!
ReplyDeleteOh Rachel - I love you woman! Your honesty is a "breath of fresh air". So many of "us" hide our feelings and that is not what it's about. God knows us - why not let others.
ReplyDeleteI believe you have a great husband who cares for you very much, I loved how he prayed for you - Jerry does this for me too.
I believe that parent was sent to you by God and affirmed why you are there WHERE you ARE.
It is hard being content, especially I think at your age but girl none of us are if we are to be HONEST and OPEN. REMEMBER GOD IS NOT THROUGH WITH US YET! There is so much ahead of you, and I am glad that YOU BLOG IT!
Love and Prayers, Anita