Kindness Matters

I love reading about random acts of kindness, no matter how big or how small. It's fun to see stories about people paying for someone behind them at the drive thru. Just yesterday I saw a video posted online showing a man who had noticed a homeless woman sleeping in the dirt in front of his house at night. Instead of getting rid of her, he built her a small shelter to live in, with her own door, keys and even a "Home Sweet Home" sign to hang on it. We hear stories of violence daily, so it's always nice to read about good things in the world too.

I've wanted to do some kind of acts of kindness for awhile now, and I've read many blogs of people doing them for their birthdays. A lot of people do them all in a day, like, "30 acts for 30 years of age". I knew that would be nearly impossible, so I chose to pick one thing to do every day this week, Monday-Friday.

I just have to say, it was an amazing experience. We don't have a lot of money to spend on bigthings, but I found small ways to pay it forward anyway.



On Monday, I wrote 5 notes to friends or family with some encouragement written inside. It was rewarding to do. I always mean to write notes. I buy cute little note cards and then they just sit there because we live in this world of technology and it's easier to write a quick comment on Facebook than sit down and write a letter, address an envelope and mail it. Let's face it though. Who doesn't love getting snail mail sometimes? Especially when it's personal and not another bill to pay!
I wasn't totally sure who I was going to write to. In the end I said a quick prayer and asked God to show me who needed the most encouragement or just a kind word. Those 5 people received the notes from me, and over the week I've heard from a few who were excited or just feeling blessed to get their card.  I'm going to try to continue this through the year. Maybe only one a week, but maybe one day YOU'LL get a card too!





I felt like although I was doing this in honor of my birthday, I wanted to involve Daniel as well. It's important to me to teach our boys to be kind to others. So, on Tuesday (my birthday!) we baked goodies for our neighbor. Daniel helped me make them and I printed some cute tags from Pinterest.
The funny thing is, this act didn't go quite as I had planned. I originally planned to give these to the man who lives right next door. He keeps to himself a lot, but we wave and talk a little now and then. The boys and I went to deliver them, but couldn't get him to answer the door. We ended up getting chased away by bees...and Daniel fell down his steps WITH the treats in hand because he got scared!

Anyway... I was really wanting Daniel to be a part of this, and I kept having this feeling like we should take them to someone else. But, who? I really don't know our neighbors. I know that's sad, isn't it? We all seem to keep to ourselves. I asked Daniel where we should take them and he pointed to the house across the street. So, we headed over. I knew an older woman lived there, but that was all. She has a no solicitors sign on the door, so I was hoping she wouldn't mind us...even though we weren't selling anything! You know what though? She opened the door and I explained what we were doing and it absolutely made her day. You could see her eyes light up. Then she insisted on giving me something, which I turned down. So, then she asked if she could give Daniel a couple of dollars so he could buy something. I tried to decline, but she was too sweet and gave it to him. That turned into a new lesson about how sometimes when we do something kind for others, they will do kind things in return.  She loved the boys and made me promise to bring them over to visit sometimes. We sure will be! Plus we'll make more treats to give to the man next door sometime!



Last weekend I got a text from my best friend who had been in an accident. She ended up with a broken ankle, but thankfully she and her daughter are okay! I put together a basket of goodies for her...including her favorite, Flamin' Hot Cheetos. (Yuck! haha!). Then the boys and I headed to her house for the first time ever. Yup. Besties for 3.5 years and the first time I ventured to her little podunk neck of the woods. :)  We had a great time visiting though (minus Daniel's epic allergic reaction to a dog toy. Eek!). It was nice to cheer her up though!



On Thursday, I got Daniel involved again. We LOVE our mail man, Mike. He's one of those people who really loves what he does and you can tell by his attitude. He's always stopped to talk to Daniel even when he was just a baby. Now Daniel talks his ear off! That man deserves some appreciation! Daniel colored him a picture, and then we filled a jar with M&M's and printed a "post card" that said, "Thanks for driving Miles &Miles to bring us our mail." Daniel nearly fell down our porch steps when Mike parked outside of our house. He went bounding down to him and was very excited to give him his gift. Mike was very happy about getting M&Ms. While we were talking, Norma (the lady across the street) walked over to tell me those were the best treats she's had in a very long time. (Thank you Aldi box mix!). I think she just wanted to see the boys again. :)

 

For my last day I put together a May basket and made a post it holder for my chiropractor and his wife. They run the business together and are the best! I felt like they deserved a special treat. I gave it to Julie when I got there and it just brought the biggest smile to her face. The little card inside has a verse to go along with it. "Be kind and compassionate to one another." Ephesians 4:32
This sparked a conversation and I found out Julie's favorite author is also Karen Kingsbury! Lots of fun to talk about our favorite books.

What a fun week it has been. I already have ideas of other acts of kindness, and I plan to keep going. Not every day, but whenever I can. Hopefully this will inspire others to go out and do something kind for another person. Keep paying it forward!

Sometimes

Sometimes I want to run away. I dream of it in fact. I think a lot of moms do. I'm sure dads do too.

Sometimes I just want to sit in peace and quiet and watch what I want to watch on TV all day long. To eat meals without wiping up spilled food and food my kid flung because he didn't want it. Sometimes I miss doing laundry once a week instead of once a day.  I dream of going to the bathroom without a little person following me in so see what I'm doing. Sometimes it's no fun (okay it's never fun) to wipe a toddlers butt.

Sometimes I just want to get in the car and go without spending 20 minutes trying to get out the door and get both kids in their car seats. Sometimes I hate when stuff I just folded gets unfolded again by little hands. I wish messes just magically cleaned themselves up. Sometimes I imagine making it through one day with no sass.

Sometimes I want to clean my house in peace without "helpful hands". I dream of the day when I'm not asked "Why?" 8.5 billion times a day. Sometimes I long for the day when I will be able to sleep in without any cries or people climbing on me little I'm a dang jungle gym.

Sometimes I get frustrated and yell too much, and then feel like a failure.

But, then sometimes I remember that this won't last forever and when these days are gone I will long for them. I remind myself that someday I will be "free" to do all of those things that I dream of and while I know I'll enjoy it, I'll miss this. Maybe not the tantrums. Maybe not any of the hard stuff, but the little every day moments? Yeah. I'm gonna miss those.

Sometimes I'm sad because my first baby will be 4 years old this year, and I miss him being really little and innocent. Sometimes I'm sad that he's too big for me to carry anymore, even though just a couple of years ago I was already longing for the day he could hold my hand and walk. Speaking of that, sometimes I smile when his small hand finds mine and he holds it as we go on a walk. Someday he won't want to do that anymore. My heart isn't ready for that.

Sometimes my bedtime routine with Daniel annoys me because he stalls and we have to do all of these things before he's satisfied. At the same time though, I cherish those moments we spend rocking in his chair, reading, praying, talking and singing. Sometimes those moments at the end of the day are finally what made my day worthwhile.

Sometimes I get excited to take Daniel somewhere and I expect too much from him. Sometimes I'm more excited than him and when he doesn't cooperate or enjoy it, I get frustrated. But sometimes we have a blast, so I suppose I just have to take the risk because you just never know when a fun memory will be made.

Sometimes I can't wait to sleep through the night and not spend hours nursing. But most of the time I cherish those quiet moments at night,as I hold my sweet baby. I love knowing that I can feed him and provide food for him...and honestly I'll bawl like a baby when I'm done nursing him, just like a did with Daniel. It's such a strong bond between a Mommy and her babies.

Someday I'll miss all of this. I'm so very thankful to God for my 2 boys. I feel lucky to be their Mommy. It's no easy task. Some days I feel like super mom. Other days I feel like I've been defeated by one or both munchkins. Sometimes I just pray that I survive parenthood. Sometimes I hope that I don't completely screw it up.

One thing I know for sure though. No matter what, I love my kids with all of my heart. Forever and always.

My Journey With Scoliosis

Back pain sucks. Plain and simple.

I've been dealing with it off and on, but mostly on for the past several years. The pain is generally tolerable, but then there comes a time when I'm ready to throw in the towel because it always seems to get worse again.

I have scoliosis. If you're unfamiliar with it, it's a curvature of the spine. Basically a normal spine is straight. A person with scoliosis has a crooked and twisted spine.



I don't remember when I was officially diagnosed, but I think it was in 6th grade. My mom was always yanking my shoulders back and telling me to stand up straight. I thought she was just being annoying, because I WAS standing up straight. At least I thought so.

I ended up at a specialist whom I got to know well over the next few years. I detested those years. It turned out that I had a pretty severe curve. Between 45-50 degrees you're considered for surgery...and my curve was 42 I believe. Guess what this already awkward, greasy haired, blackhead ridden middle school girl had to be fitted for?

One of these bad boys:



My very own, custom made back brace. It was hard plastic...so basically a body cast that I could take off to shower. It was hot, uncomfortable, and most of all embarrassing. Like, insanely embarrassing. I couldn't bend over in it. I had to wear baggy shirts over it, and even then the back of them would have holes wear through . No one really ever said anything at school, but I knew they knew and in my mind they were all making fun of me. I realize now many of them probably felt bad for me, but I was shy and this was just about the worst thing ever.

I can remember those glorious days when our family would do something like go on a hike and mom would let me spend the day without it. I also remember sometimes taking it off at night even though I wasn't supposed to because  I just wanted to sleep like a normal person. I got busted on that one though.

The brace did its job. It stopped the curve from progressing while I was was still growing. Eventually I only had to wear it at night and then I got the all clear to get rid of it all together. Sweet freedom.

I don't remember having pain until my 20's, and even then it was a twinge here and a twinge there until a few years ago.

A couple of years ago I ended up at Prompt Care because I could hardly move. They claimed I sprained my hip. Okay...
So I got an anti inflammatory shot and muscle relaxers that were extremely powerful (as I was told by 3 healthcare professionals) that literally did nothing for me. Nothing. I didn't even cut the pill in half like they suggested.

Then I tried a chiropractor, who was all health guru-ish and kept trying to sell me vitamins and crap. She did adjustments, but all it did was hurt me still. So I quit after 3 visits.



Then a year and a half ago the pain got intolerable again. So much so, that my mom had to come help me with Daniel because I could hardly move.  I was sent for an MRI, but spent around $700 for them to tell me it was basically a pinched nerve.

I gave up. Everyone has back pain right? I surely could handle this. I felt like no one understood my pain or how I was feeling. I just assume people think I exaggerate. My lower back hurts 24/7. My neck hurts. My left shoulder goes numb a few times a day. One of my left toes spasms and curls under then releases, over and over again. I've always thought it had to do with my scoliosis, and yet no one else seemed to draw the same conclusion.

These past 3 or so weeks I've been miserable. I push through it because I have to. I have kiddos and a house to clean and shopping to do. By the end of the day I hurt so badly I want to curl into the fetal position and cry, but I don't. I just rub the painful areas which feels good, but shoots pain into my hips. I kept debating trying another chiropractor, and once the pain was unbearable I went for it. We're talking, I'm literally to the point that by the end of the day,when I bend over I can't stand back up right away. I get stuck.

After my c-section, I was up and walking to the NICU by 10:00 that night. The nurses couldn't believe it. Jacob told me later that he was so impressed at how well I handled the pain. Truth is, I handle the pain every day of my life. I mean, yes...I was in a crap load of pain from the c-section, and I would never want that level of pain every day, but it made it easier to push though it.

I met with the doctor and told him my most painful areas and mentioned all of the above. Finally someone looked right at me and said, "I think this is definitely from your scoliosis. I can't promise to take the pain away, but I can promise I will try as hard as I can." I wanted to hug him. He took xrays that day and had me schedule and appointment again for yesterday. He asked me what I thought my curve was and I said 42.

When I went in yesterday, he had my xrays up and he told me that he didn't think I was right when I told him 42 degrees because most people who think they have a bigger curve are generally in the 15-25 degree range. He said he was quite surprised looking at the xray and seeing that I was right on. Once again he looked at me and said, "You hurt every single day, don't you?" Again, I wanted to just cry. I kind of hide it from people or when I do complain, I don't let on to just how bad I hurt. Jacob knows, my family knows. Everyone else? I just say I'm fine when they ask.



As it turns out, the vertebrae on the outer side of my curve are normally spaced, while the vertebrae on the inside of the curve are narrow and very compressed. (Why no one noticed or bothered to mention this from my MRI I do not know). My hips and pelvis are uneven and so more weight gets put on one side of my back all the time.

While he can't promise to fix me, he's hopeful he can help a lot. He started easy yesterday. He's working muscles to stretch and work the ones that haven't been worked in ages. I've lost a TON of flexibility due to it.

I felt a slight difference last night and this morning. I'm back to a lot of pain right now, but this is a process and he said in about 3 weeks I'll hopefully notice a huge improvement. I go again tomorrow and I'm already looking forward to it.

I didn't really intend to write a book, but I just never know how to explain what I feel or am going through. People mean well when they give me advice, but most doesn't apply to my issues...except lifting. I'm working hard to consciously lift properly. Jacob pointed out how horribly I lift things. Bad habit that I HAVE to change. But, if you made it through this, please pray that I'll get some relief.

I don't expect to be healed (not that I could be), but I'd like to go on a walk without wanting to cry. I want to be able to stand more that 5 minutes without my back burning. I want to be able to do housework without wanting to give up on life.

Catching Up On Life

I can't believe we're nearing the end of February already! Everyone has been complaining about this winter, and oddly it hasn't really bothered me much this year. That's not to say that I'm not ready for some beautiful spring weather though! We JUST had our first snowfall that I really count. We did have some a few weeks ago, but it was too dang cold to take Daniel out and it melted quickly. I've pretty much been living in hibernation for a good part of the winter though, because taking both boys out is exhausting at times. I'll be happy to leave the coat, hat, mittens, car seat cover and blankets behind though.

James is growing like a weed. My baby will be 4 months old in a week and a half. How can that be?! He just fills my heart with so much joy. I never had that fear that I wouldn't love my second child as much as the first like some moms do. I love both of my boys equally, and I'm so happy that God picked those 2 to be our children.

We'll have his 4 month check up soon too. I'm excited to find out what he weighs and how long he is now. He's smaller than Daniel was at this age, but I know he's put on some weight and he's even upgrading to a few 3-6 month things here and there...but fits perfectly in his 3 month clothes and can even squeeze into a few 0-3's here and there.

His little blue eyes are quickly turning brown. Even Jacob noticed this week. The blue eyes were cute, but I'm secretly happy that he'll have brown eyes just like the rest of us!

He sleeps so much better than Daniel did at this age. With Daniel it was months and months on end of waking up 2 or 3 times a night. In general, James sleeps through the night. As in, he'll do a 6 or 7 hour stretch between feedings and then go back to sleep for another couple of hours. There definitely are nights though, that we're up a few times. I've also noticed he's been waking earlier this past week. I hate climbing out of my comfy bed, but it's probably good that he makes me get up.

He still spits up a million times a day. Lately we go through 2-3 outfits a day and about 5 bibs daily. I don't even know how many burp clothes! I finally caved a couple of weeks ago and bought another large pack of burp clothes so I could go an extra day or two between laundry sometimes! It doesn't bother him much though. He'll fuss, puke and then smile really big because his tummy feels better.

He's has 2 moods. SUPER SUPER happy and SUPER SUPER mad/sad. He can flip it on and off like a switch too. One second he's smiling, cooing and playing and one second later he's in full out meltdown mode. Silly baby.

Then there's Daniel. He's growing like crazy too. I remember how little he still seemed before James came along. Now he's seems like a giant. He absolutely adores his little brother and is so proud of him. He introduces him to anyone we encounter...including people we know. Last weekend when Mimi and Pa came over he runs over and says, "This is my brother, James!" Haha! He loves hanging out with him, giving kisses and hugs and singing to him. James adores Daniel as well. He'll smile, coo and take being smothered in hugs and kisses like a champ. He turns his head to find his brother whenever he hears him.

As Daniel grows, so does his memory. He still never fails to blow my mind. He remembers everything. He's getting really good at picking out words that he knows. He'll point them out in books, on the TV, in the store. Pretty much anywhere. He also memorizes. When I read to him, I can stop almost anywhere in a sentence of a book we've read and he'll finish it.

I loves to be my helper. Sometimes it's nice. Other times it ridiculously annoying...but I try to remind myself that he just wants to help out. If I'm doing the dishes, he pulls up his stool so he can rinse them. He helps me with the laundry. He's also my little errand runner. Need anything? Just ask Daniel and he'll be off on a mission.

3 year olds are HARD though. Like seriously, HARD. I was warned, but oh man. Nothing prepared me for the attitude and the question asking. The most hated word in my life right now is, "Why?" "Why can't we go outside?" "Because it's too cold." "Oh. Why is it too cold?" "Because it's winter." "Why is it winter?" "Because God made the seasons and made winter cold." "Oh. But why can't we go outside?" "DANIEL! I JUST told you!" "BUUUUT....WHHHHHHHY, MOMMY???"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This seriously goes on all day. If it's not why, it's who, what, where and when. Also...anytime I've finally sat down for two seconds I get, " Mommy. I'm sooooooo hunnnnnnggggggaaaarrrryyyy."

But, then that little boy will later wrap his arms around my neck, kiss me and tells me that he loves me, and it makes all of life's annoyances worth it.

Being a mommy is the best thing in the world and the hardest thing in the world. There are days I play and have fun, there are days I feel so lazy that we watch Netflix all day. There are days that are so much fun and then there are the days where I daydream about escape. Wishing that I could just pack my bags and go on a quiet vacation far far away. But, as I've been told...this will all be gone in the blink of an eye. The boys will be grown and I don't want to miss a thing (except maybe cleaning up after a sick kid. Pretty sure I wouldn't miss that).

Even More Random Facts About Me

I've started 3 or 4 posts in the past month, but never get too far. I figured I would try to get the ball rolling again by doing one of my yearly randomness posts. Let's face it, I have a lot a weird quirks and thoughts...so why not share with the world?

1. I have never seen The Goonies. I need to remedy this!

2. I had to wash my mouth out with soap once because I kept singing, "Are you ready for some real gas? Fartees!" (Hardee's slogan at the time was, "Are you ready for some real food? Hardees!) Then I used liquid soap because for some reason that seemed like a better option. It was not.

3. I once dropped a giant cookie on the high school cafeteria floor in the middle of lunch, and I picked it up and ate it. I won't lie, I'd still do it. One does not waste a giant cookie!

4. If I could design my dream house it would be built to look like a very old home, but without the worries of it needing major updates. Hardwood floors, dark wood and tons of built-ins!

5. My top 3 celebrities that I want to meet, I DID meet...in a dream I had last week. Reba, Garth and Ellen. Garth even hugged me. Best dream ever.

6. If I had more money than I knew what to do with, I would use it to give to random people to help them pay bills, buy presents for their kids and just do as many acts of kindness as I could.

7. I eat Skittles from my least favorite to favorite flavor. Apple, lemon, orange, grape, strawberry.

8. I love perusing Pinterest and pretending that I'll actually do the stuff that I pin.

9. I could spend hours in Hobby Lobby and if I weren't financially responsible, I'd probably go into debt shopping there.

10. I think white walls are super boring. Off white is okay, but plain white is just too sterile and uninviting. I like pops of color here and there!

11. I love watching blooper reels on YouTube with Jacob. Laughing hysterically at other people's mistakes makes me feel better about mine. LOL!

12. My favorite character on Friends is Chandler.

13. I used to love going to haunted houses, but the thought of doing one now gives me serious anxiety. What was I thinking!?

14. I am highly opinionated about the salaries that professional athletes make. I rant about it anytime I hear about how much money they make to PLAY A GAME.

15. I love going on road trips...minus the whole packing part.

16. My mom, Kendra and I decided that someday we're taking a trip to Vegas!

17. I have never been pulled over for speeding. I have however, been pulled over for having an expired tag. Oops.

18. My favorite games is Apples to Apples.

19. If I could go back and relive a day from my childhood, I'd pick a day that I went to Morgan Creek with my Grandpa. We'd go on a hike with our walking sticks and I'd go wading, while he watched from the bank. :)

20. I really hate party hats.