The Hardest Thing

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

I've been thinking on this one for a couple of days, but having a hard time coming up with anything. I can think of struggles I've faced, but compared to other peoples struggles they don't seem so bad. I'm thankful for that though.

I guess I'll go with my Great Grandma dying, followed by my Grandpa 2 months later.

I was only 14 years old when they both passed away and it was really they were some of the first death experiences that I had. I had an uncle who passed away by committing suicide when I was in 4th grade, which is REALLY hard for a 10 year old to comprehend (I mean, it's hard no matter how old you are really.). I wasn't allowed to go to that funeral though.

With Great Grandma and Grandpa, I watched them die. I knew they were sick. Both had cancer. We drove to Chariton several times in those last months to get to spend time with them. Actually, I don't think anyone knew Grandpa would go as quickly as he did, but after watching Great Grandma, I think he gave up hope.

It was really "real" until the final time that I saw each of them.

Great Grandma was in and out of it the whole time we were there visiting. I was sad, but okay until it was time to say goodbye. I knew deep down this would be the last time I would see her alive here on Earth. I didn't want to say goodbye. I didn't want to leave. I took her hand and she looked up at me and said, "I love you." I said, "I love you too.", but that's all I could say before I had to leave the room. I didn't want her to see me crying.

If I remember right she lived for another few days before passing away. Her funeral was hard on me. It was more the visitation. I cried that whole night. I just couldn't stop.

Then with Grandpa, we had been down to visit the weekend before he passed,and he was the best we had seen him in a long time. He had been joking and telling us stories. Then Grandma called and said he was asking for us. We headed down, and I knew again that this was goodbye. He was awake when we got there and we talked to him. He was in his hospital bed (on Hospice) and extremely pale. He fell asleep while we were eating lunch and didn't wake when it was time for us to leave. We said our goodbyes (and again, I cried for quite awhile). In the end, he never did wake back up. He died in the middle of the night, probably about 10 hours after we left. I've always been grateful that he "hung on" for us to make it there.

While they were hard to experience, I'm thankful that in both situations I got closure.

5 Things That Make Me HAPPY!

I'm pretty sure no one reads this anymore, but I'll continue on anyway with my 30 days!

What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. My baby boy. I love him to the moon and back. He brings joy to my life every single day. He makes me laugh and smile. He gives me kisses and just plain melts my heart. I've loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him. He's pretty much the best thing ever.



2. My hubby. (Don't worry, he'd probably put Daniel as his #1 too). He makes me laugh. He tells me what I need to hear, even when I don't want to hear it in the moment. He's always there when I need him. I can be a complete goofball and he'll laugh at me. He'll just randomly pull me into a hug and give me a kiss at just the right time. Yeah, I love that guy.



3. Being a Staying at Home Mommy

Best decision that I've ever made. I love getting to spend each and every day with my little boy.

4. Taking trips "home" to Iowa.

A perk of staying home is getting to travel when I want to. Sometimes Jacob can't go or would rather stay home and that's okay. Daniel is such a great little traveler that it doesn't bother me. I just crank up the music and sing at the top of my lungs. I even busted out a kids worship CD for our last trip. Daniel squealed away. I miss being close to my parents and friends. I still have days of homesickness from time to time, so it's nice knowing that I can go and see them almost any time I want!

5. Getting to spend time with my bestie, Ashley. We don't get to spend as much time together as I wish we could. We used to spend every work day together! But, we text almost everyday and try to hang out every week or two during her lunch hour. She cracks me up. She gets my stupid sense of humor and I get her's. I can tell her anything and I know she'll understand. Plus we both share an insane obsession with FRIENDS and will make reference to it in just about every situation.

What 16 Year Old Me Should Know

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year old self, if you could.

1. Stop worrying that you will never find a guy! You will! So, enjoy life and stop wallowing on Saturday nights while watching The Notebook over and over again. (Okay, you can watch it over and over again...just don't wallow.)

2. When you're 18 you should avoid going to Target before work in July. You'll save yourself from totalling your car.

3. Spend even more time with your sisters (and be nice to Kendra!) because you don't have that many years left with each other before you all move on.

4. It turns out Harry Potter isn't as stupid as you think.

5. Stop being frugal for just a little bit and take that trip to Europe. You'll regret not doing it when you can't.

6. Along the same line, go sky diving. You know you want to. Once you have a baby though, you'll be too chicken and definitely won't have the money to do it.

7. Go on that road trip with Erica that you always talked about (and take Kendra too). Someday Erica will go on road trips with her family and you'll be SUPER jealous.

8. Load up on Ben and Jerry's "One Sweet Whirled" because they're going to discontinue it without telling you and one day it will just vanish from the shelves.

9. I know you think this will be convenient for swimming, but DO NOT chop your hair off!

10. Stand up for yourself. You'll still struggle with this in the future, but at least you'll have a head start!

Parental Relationships

Describe your relationship with your parents.

Let's see...

We'll start with my mom. My mom and I have had an up and down relationship over the years. We've had our share of laughter, fights and tears. (I did not mean to make the rhyme.) There were times we got along great and other times she'd make me so mad that I'd go huffing off to pout in my room. Heck, we still irritate each other at times. I liked to hang out with her and I even liked it when she'd go on youth group trips with me. But, I was never good at sharing my heart with her, because she intimidated me. I was scared to tell her things for fear of being yelled at.

Fast forward to now. I enjoy getting to spend time with my mom. Like I said, we still get irritated with each other, but we also have a lot of fun together. Time together has become even more special since I got married and moved away, because we don't have the luxury of just hanging out any time. Now we text through the week and usually talk on the phone at least once a week. I share more with her and enjoy our conversations. I love getting to go shopping with her and go on mini road trips together too. She's my mom, but she's also my friend.



Then there's my dad. Or daddio. Our relationship has always been the same. It's always been laid back. Mom was the one to "fear" so if dad got mad too I KNEW I was in trouble! I liked to hang out with dad when I was younger. He played games, taught me to ride a bike, let me help him paint and go up on the roof with him to put up Christmas lights. As I got older he taught me drive (and stayed calm even when I narrowly escaped causing a few accidents!). Not to mention, he took me to my first Iowa game!  

Like I said, we still have that casual laid back relationship now. When I'm home to visit, we talk about silly things like how, "Someday Bob Knight will coach the Iowa basketball team." We sit out on the deck and just enjoy spending time with each other.



I'd say I ended up with some pretty great parents! Now my goal that Jacob and I will have a great relationship with Daniel and our future child(ren).

What Are Your Fears?

Continuing on with 30 Days. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check HERE

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. I fear losing those who are close to me. I'm scared of losing family members and close friends. I had a dream once over a year ago that Jacob died and I woke up hugged him and started sobbing. It felt so real that I cried on and off all day.I fear losing Daniel, and I just don't know how my heart could ever take it. Watching my mom lose a parent last month made me sad, knowing that someday that will happen to me too. I don't want to think of people I love dying. I've always had that fear though..I think a lot of people do.

2. I fear clowns and mimes. I CAN handle clowns to some point, if they're happy clowns and I know the person. We went to church with a guy who dressed up as a clown. I could roll with that. Mimes just creep me out beyond belief. I hate that they don't talk. Hate it. My fear of clowns developed pretty young. My first two memories of them are from when I was probably 4 or 5. There was a circus theme at VBS one year and clowns came into our classroom. I can remember crawling under a table and sitting there until they left. Also, the Goodyear Blimp flew over our house and my dad came to get me out of bed to see it! We got outside and there was clown waving in the lights on the side of the blimp. I went tearing back into the house!

3. I am fearful of car accidents. It's scary to know how vulnerable we all are in cars. We're in charge of keeping ourselves and everyone else on the road safe. All it takes is one bad decision and, BAM.  I've become more fearful after having Daniel, but I'm pretty good at pushing the fear aside. I've been in a few minor accidents so that's where that fear comes from. The sound and smell of crunching metal sickens me.