Dear James,
In about 3 weeks we will welcome you into our family! I can't tell you how excited I am to meet you, and hold you in my arms. I wonder each day who you will look like? I think you'll look just like your big brother. I also wonder what your personality will be like? You've been a spunky little guy since I first felt you kick. I imagine you may have that same spunk when you arrive. Who knows though? You might be a calm and laid back little guy once you're here.
I found out that I was pregnant with you when I was only about 3.5 weeks along. I just had a feeling, and I was right! It's always amazing when I think about it, because God picked you just for us. If I would've gotten pregnant any other month, you wouldn't be YOU!
We kept the pregnancy a secret from most people until I had my first ultrasound. Family and close friends knew, but I wanted to be sure that all was okay before sharing with the world. Your Daddy and I sat anxiously in the waiting room and were finally called back. As soon as you showed up on the monitor, I instantly saw a little flicker. Your heartbeat! Then we got to hear it, and it was music to my ears. You were measuring just right and my due date was set for November 21st (your brother's due date was the same date 3 years earlier!).
Everything went along really well for quite awhile. We had fun guessing if you were a boy or a girl. Your daddy thought girl, and I thought boy. Daniel would flip flop between the two. We already had a name picked for a little girl. If you had been a she, you would have been Madison Lynn. It took us longer to pick a boy name, but Daniel wanted to name you Adam Wainwright (a pitcher for the Cardinals)! We finally narrowed it down to James Michael or Michael James.
On July 11th, we finally got to find out if you were a boy or girl. Daniel came along too. As the ultrasound tech started checking, she told Daniel, "I think you're getting a brother!" She confirmed that a few minutes later. Another little boy. My first thought was, "Oh boy! This momma is in trouble!" Daddy and I were both excited, and as we waited to see the doctor we decided for sure on your name. James Michael Elam.
About this time, you really started kicking a lot too. I loved feeling those first taps because then I always knew you were doing okay.
I also started getting BAD heartburn and acid reflux, just like I had with Daniel. I decided right then and there that you will have a full head of hair when you're born.
Then came the 22nd of August. You decided you'd had enough of being good and decided to shake things up a bit. I had a bit of a scare and ended up staying overnight in the hospital. It wasn't very fun, but it was worth it to keep you safe. It was way too soon for you to arrive.
Two weeks later, you gave me yet another scare which landed you and I in the hospital for 3 days. (By the way...you owe your Mommy a trip to see Garth Brooks someday! :)) Thankfully, you stayed put, although I had to get steroid shots to help your lungs develop quickly, just in case.
My doctor decided if we could just make it to 34 weeks, we'd be okay to have you if needed. Lots and lots of people prayed for us, and I'm happy to say that as I sit here typing you this letter, I am 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant with you!
While no other big problems have arisen since our September hospital stay, I'm still having complications, which means I've had to get many many ultrasounds. It's always nice to see you though! I'm hoping to avoid having a c-section with you, but in the end it doesn't matter as long as I have a healthy little bundle of joy to hold.
As of right now though, I think you're going to be born on November 17th. That might change, especially if you have a mind of your own! That's 22 days from now!
I pray for you every single day, and we're very excited to see you. Your big brother is so excited too! I don't know how he'll feel at first, but give him time, and I'm sure you'll be the best of friends!
I love you, my sweet little boy. I always have and I always will.
Love,
Mommy
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
25 Days...Give or Take!
It won't be much longer now until I hold my newest baby boy in my arms!
I had my 36 week appointment today. I'll go into a bit more detail here than on Facebook. I figure at least you've been warned...not that there's really anything that graphic.
I started off with my ultrasound to check and see if the placenta had moved or not. Usually the ultrasound techs don't tell me anything about it, but this one has seen me a few times, so she told me it still hadn't moved enough. I was disappointed, but what can I do? The good news is that James is a healthy little guy. She tried to get a 3d image for me since he was facing forward, but he just wouldn't stay still. I got to see him, but no pictures. Yeah. That boy is a cutie. I can tell. His little cheeks were fattening right up! Seeing him makes me so excited!
I saw my doctor next and we had a good talk about everything. The ultimate goal is vaginal delivery, but I also know that my window is getting smaller and smaller. Within the last 2 weeks I've been preparing myself and reading up on C-Sections. I'm starting to feel a little better about it. I can accept it, if that's what needs to be done and if it keeps James and myself safe.
A lot of women who have full previa never have their placenta move. Most who have partial will move. Mine is just marginal now. Those almost always move. My doctor told me today that I'm her first patient with marginal previa who hasn't had their placenta move by 36 weeks. Sigh. My body just doesn't want to be kind to me this time around. Heartburn, reflux (which have been getting a bit better), horrible pelvic pain that gets worse by the day, 2 hospital stays. Oh...and you know. Coming home from a week in Iowa to $4k worth of bills. Yay.
Okay, venting over, because there's nothing I can do about it and I refuse to dwell on it.
My doctor and I discussed dates for a C-Section. I technically can deliver at 39 weeks, which would be the 14th. However, (unless James has other plans) I am planning to wait until the following Monday. Jacob is directing the middle school musical which just so happens to be that weekend of the 15th and 16th! I asked if that would be doable for an induction as well if the placenta moves. I got a yes! Although...to be induced between 39-40 weeks for a vaginal delivery I need to be at least 2 cm dilated. The good news is, I am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced (ie: my cervix is 50% thinned out)
So...if the scheduling works out, and if my body decides to obey, AND my kiddo decides to stay put until then, then James will be born on November 17th! We have a tentative birthday, people! Also, in the event that I would start bleeding again at any point, I just go to the hospital and little Mr. will be delivered via C-Section.
I now have 25 days to get everything that's rattling around in my brain ready! I did a closet purge yesterday. I have much more I want to get done, but here I sit. Tomorrow I'll tackle more!
I had my 36 week appointment today. I'll go into a bit more detail here than on Facebook. I figure at least you've been warned...not that there's really anything that graphic.
I started off with my ultrasound to check and see if the placenta had moved or not. Usually the ultrasound techs don't tell me anything about it, but this one has seen me a few times, so she told me it still hadn't moved enough. I was disappointed, but what can I do? The good news is that James is a healthy little guy. She tried to get a 3d image for me since he was facing forward, but he just wouldn't stay still. I got to see him, but no pictures. Yeah. That boy is a cutie. I can tell. His little cheeks were fattening right up! Seeing him makes me so excited!
I saw my doctor next and we had a good talk about everything. The ultimate goal is vaginal delivery, but I also know that my window is getting smaller and smaller. Within the last 2 weeks I've been preparing myself and reading up on C-Sections. I'm starting to feel a little better about it. I can accept it, if that's what needs to be done and if it keeps James and myself safe.
A lot of women who have full previa never have their placenta move. Most who have partial will move. Mine is just marginal now. Those almost always move. My doctor told me today that I'm her first patient with marginal previa who hasn't had their placenta move by 36 weeks. Sigh. My body just doesn't want to be kind to me this time around. Heartburn, reflux (which have been getting a bit better), horrible pelvic pain that gets worse by the day, 2 hospital stays. Oh...and you know. Coming home from a week in Iowa to $4k worth of bills. Yay.
Okay, venting over, because there's nothing I can do about it and I refuse to dwell on it.
My doctor and I discussed dates for a C-Section. I technically can deliver at 39 weeks, which would be the 14th. However, (unless James has other plans) I am planning to wait until the following Monday. Jacob is directing the middle school musical which just so happens to be that weekend of the 15th and 16th! I asked if that would be doable for an induction as well if the placenta moves. I got a yes! Although...to be induced between 39-40 weeks for a vaginal delivery I need to be at least 2 cm dilated. The good news is, I am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced (ie: my cervix is 50% thinned out)
So...if the scheduling works out, and if my body decides to obey, AND my kiddo decides to stay put until then, then James will be born on November 17th! We have a tentative birthday, people! Also, in the event that I would start bleeding again at any point, I just go to the hospital and little Mr. will be delivered via C-Section.
I now have 25 days to get everything that's rattling around in my brain ready! I did a closet purge yesterday. I have much more I want to get done, but here I sit. Tomorrow I'll tackle more!
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Gearing Up for Baby
Well, I think it's finally hitting me. Slowly but surely time is picking up speed again. There is only 41 days separating me from my due date!
I find myself starting to make more lists of things I need to do before James makes his entrance into the world. Nesting is starting to set in too. I think it was close to this time with Daniel too. With Daniel I went room to room and cleaned them from top to bottom. I'm hitting the point where I want to do that again...except that I have a toddler, so I can't get it done when I want to. He tries to be a big helper though, and I've been giving him many tasks to do to help me out.
It's crazy to think that 7 weeks ago I was in the hospital and again 5 weeks ago, unsure and nervous that James would come early. I'm so thankful that I've made it to the "safe zone". It's obviously still too early, but 34 weeks was the first goal. In fact, right now I feel pretty positive that we're going to make it to full term!
I had my 34 week check up yesterday, including ultrasound to check the placenta. Unfortunately it still hasn't moved enough, so ultrasounds will continue until the end or until it moves. Actually, to be technical, it won't actually move. It shifts with the uterus. This was the first time I let Daniel come in without the stroller (because I'm always nervous about keeping him contained alone while I'm getting the ultrasound.) Plus since they do trans vaginal, it's not like I could hop up to grab him. He did great though...but he did feel the need to come to the end of the table to try to check out what was going on. Haha!
They also usually give me a little peek with a regular ultrasound to make sure all looks good. When I'm lucky I get a 3D peek, but last time they were too busy, and yesterday the little guy had his face buried in my back. I didn't get to see him practice breathing though. Very cool!
For those who wonder or find it odd that I need so many ultrasounds, it's something that is necessary. I had several with Daniel as well. Not as many as with Jame's, but they needed to monitor his growth and spot on his heart. This time it's more about James and I both. I'm just still so thankful that they found the reason, because all signs from 3 different ultrasounds showed the previa was corrected. It wasn't until they decided to check trans vaginal that it was discovered. Normally it will show up in the abdominal ultrasounds, but mine looks normal from that view. If they didn't keep checking and I did a normal delivery I would be at a high risk for hemorrhaging and bleeding out. Plus James would be at risk for not getting enough oxygen.
As time goes on though, my chances get slimmer for it moving. While there is still hope, my doctor had to start prepping me for a possible C-Section. I've known this all along, but I've put it out of my mind until yesterday. It's possible that it will happen. It's not ideal. Honestly I feel really sad about the thought. Delivery was seriously my very favorite part of the whole pregnancy with Daniel. It was so rewarding. I loved that I could immediately hold him when he was born. I just know how sad I'll feel if I can't do the same with James. I've started reading up on sections finally (I always skipped past that stuff in books). Sure, I'll get to see him, but won't get to hold him until I'm in recovery. I'm scared about the pain. I mean, pushing a baby out and tearing...that's painful. I waddled like a penguin for a week! But, the recovery from a C-Section just sounds awful. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Doing what's safest for James and I is more important in the end. Until then I will pray and hope that I get good news before I deliver!
In the mean time, I got approval from my doctor to go to Iowa with Daniel this week, so we'll be heading there on Tuesday! Excited to pass more time with family. I've got paperwork as precaution in case anything happens while I'm there. It's at least comforting to know that there's a great hospital nearby if need be.
I will say this pregnancy is taking its toll on my body. Everything hurts. The inside of my thighs and my pelvic bone hurt so bad due to a certain someone's head pushing on it. Honestly it hurts to walk. I'm starting to feel like this is my "sign". I always wanted 3 kids. In my heart I knew 2 was probably going to be it for us because of expenses, but I never felt at peace. I feel at peace right now. I'm not saying that down the road a ways that feeling won't come back (baby fever is for real!), or that God won't surprise us, but I'm pretty okay with being done for now.
I'd better try and go get some sleep. I've got my annual fall cold and on top of it I haven't been able to fall asleep until midnight the past couple of weeks. I figure it's my bodies way of reminding me that in 6 weeks my sleep deprivation will return full force again!
I find myself starting to make more lists of things I need to do before James makes his entrance into the world. Nesting is starting to set in too. I think it was close to this time with Daniel too. With Daniel I went room to room and cleaned them from top to bottom. I'm hitting the point where I want to do that again...except that I have a toddler, so I can't get it done when I want to. He tries to be a big helper though, and I've been giving him many tasks to do to help me out.
It's crazy to think that 7 weeks ago I was in the hospital and again 5 weeks ago, unsure and nervous that James would come early. I'm so thankful that I've made it to the "safe zone". It's obviously still too early, but 34 weeks was the first goal. In fact, right now I feel pretty positive that we're going to make it to full term!
I had my 34 week check up yesterday, including ultrasound to check the placenta. Unfortunately it still hasn't moved enough, so ultrasounds will continue until the end or until it moves. Actually, to be technical, it won't actually move. It shifts with the uterus. This was the first time I let Daniel come in without the stroller (because I'm always nervous about keeping him contained alone while I'm getting the ultrasound.) Plus since they do trans vaginal, it's not like I could hop up to grab him. He did great though...but he did feel the need to come to the end of the table to try to check out what was going on. Haha!
They also usually give me a little peek with a regular ultrasound to make sure all looks good. When I'm lucky I get a 3D peek, but last time they were too busy, and yesterday the little guy had his face buried in my back. I didn't get to see him practice breathing though. Very cool!
For those who wonder or find it odd that I need so many ultrasounds, it's something that is necessary. I had several with Daniel as well. Not as many as with Jame's, but they needed to monitor his growth and spot on his heart. This time it's more about James and I both. I'm just still so thankful that they found the reason, because all signs from 3 different ultrasounds showed the previa was corrected. It wasn't until they decided to check trans vaginal that it was discovered. Normally it will show up in the abdominal ultrasounds, but mine looks normal from that view. If they didn't keep checking and I did a normal delivery I would be at a high risk for hemorrhaging and bleeding out. Plus James would be at risk for not getting enough oxygen.
As time goes on though, my chances get slimmer for it moving. While there is still hope, my doctor had to start prepping me for a possible C-Section. I've known this all along, but I've put it out of my mind until yesterday. It's possible that it will happen. It's not ideal. Honestly I feel really sad about the thought. Delivery was seriously my very favorite part of the whole pregnancy with Daniel. It was so rewarding. I loved that I could immediately hold him when he was born. I just know how sad I'll feel if I can't do the same with James. I've started reading up on sections finally (I always skipped past that stuff in books). Sure, I'll get to see him, but won't get to hold him until I'm in recovery. I'm scared about the pain. I mean, pushing a baby out and tearing...that's painful. I waddled like a penguin for a week! But, the recovery from a C-Section just sounds awful. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Doing what's safest for James and I is more important in the end. Until then I will pray and hope that I get good news before I deliver!
In the mean time, I got approval from my doctor to go to Iowa with Daniel this week, so we'll be heading there on Tuesday! Excited to pass more time with family. I've got paperwork as precaution in case anything happens while I'm there. It's at least comforting to know that there's a great hospital nearby if need be.
I will say this pregnancy is taking its toll on my body. Everything hurts. The inside of my thighs and my pelvic bone hurt so bad due to a certain someone's head pushing on it. Honestly it hurts to walk. I'm starting to feel like this is my "sign". I always wanted 3 kids. In my heart I knew 2 was probably going to be it for us because of expenses, but I never felt at peace. I feel at peace right now. I'm not saying that down the road a ways that feeling won't come back (baby fever is for real!), or that God won't surprise us, but I'm pretty okay with being done for now.
I'd better try and go get some sleep. I've got my annual fall cold and on top of it I haven't been able to fall asleep until midnight the past couple of weeks. I figure it's my bodies way of reminding me that in 6 weeks my sleep deprivation will return full force again!
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Tales of an Exhausted, Pregnant Momma.
It has thankfully been a less eventful last few weeks. We've had Daniel back at home for the past 2 weeks now and I've been with him all day alone for the past week and a half. It's so good having him home, but I will say that all though I missed him like crazy, I really needed that time alone.
He's grown up so much. He had still been eating in a high chair at home, but he transitioned at Mimi and Pa's house, and now he sits at the table like a big boy. I've started giving him more tasks to do as well, and enjoy watching him gain his independence. He helps me out in the kitchen. He helps pick things up and does little tasks with me like dusting. He also loves helping me carry bags in from the store, so I always try to make sure I have one or two light weight ones. Although, if he deems a bag too heavy, he'll carry it to the bottom porch step and abandon it.
The boy is smart. Like freaky smart sometimes. He's on the emotional level of any kid his age, but he excels in other areas. He knows our address including city and state. He knows my phone number including area code. You tell him basically anything and he will not forget it. People always think he's four or older when they talk to him. So yeah. That's my brag on Daniel!
He of course has his ornery side too. It cracks me up because even if he's had a really good day, if you ask him if he was good he'll say, "I was a little bit naughty" and then tell me that one kind of naughty thing he did hours before. Silly kid.
He makes us laugh a lot. He's got quite the sense of humor. He totally understand jokes and will make some up himself too. Plus he's all of a sudden into making up words and then cracking himself up by using them. Never a dull moment.
This pregnancy has been far rougher than with Daniel. It was going fast until around 27 weeks or so when I ended up in the hospital the first time. Time slowed down to snails pace after that. Instead of being like, "Holy crap! I'm 33 weeks!" I'm more like, "Holy crap. I still have 7 weeks left??" Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful that James is healthy and that I indeed am still pregnant with him and not having to figure out at the moment how to split time between home and a NICU.
I feel like I'm wearing out sooner too. My body aches. It's starting to hurt to walk. I feel okay once I'm moving, but after I sit down and have to get going again...ouch! I didn't have Braxton Hicks with Daniel until the last couple of weeks, and even then they were super sporadic.With James I've had them many times a day for the past 5 weeks. Sometimes they're a bit intense too. I have a weaker bladder this time around, so beyond peeing every 5 minutes, sneezing and coughing prove to be a problem too. I have my good days where I do a bunch of fun things with Daniel, and then I'll have a day where I'm thanking God for Netflix because I feel sick and it entertains the boy.
The worst though? The heartburn and reflux. Oh, the reflux. Yeah. I had it with Daniel. Yeah. It was bad then too, but this time around it hit a whole new level. I've woken up choking, gasping for air, coughing up blood and my newest issue, throwing up. Tums.are worthless. Zanac (2 extra stength) are useless. Prilosec? Useless. Nexium (the best OTC out there)...not useless. It was working, except I was having some bad side effects in the intestinal department if you catch my drift. (I seriously have no modesty left). So, I'm down to chugging Maalox, and trying another OTC. Trying to limit my food intake at night too. But here's the thing. Unless you've been there...having a baby squishing your insides and all, you do not fully understand. I can go 12 hours with no food and only water and I will STILL have heartburn and reflux. Not even joking one bit. Sometimes it's so bad that the pain radiates to my jaw, shoulders and back. If you Google these symptoms it will tell you you're having a heart attack by the way. Then there will be a disclaimer that if you're pregnant it's probably just the child inside of you pushing everything back up. Made me laugh!
My last ultrasound showed the placenta moving though, so that was good news. I'm praying so hard that Friday when I go again it will have moved those 3mm, and I can get the all clear for a vaginal delivery. I'm terrified of a c-section, so I've been trying to put it out of my mind for now.
So, there ya have it. Tales of an exhausted, pregnant Momma. Glad to get some complaining out, but I am so thankfully for my little boys!
He's grown up so much. He had still been eating in a high chair at home, but he transitioned at Mimi and Pa's house, and now he sits at the table like a big boy. I've started giving him more tasks to do as well, and enjoy watching him gain his independence. He helps me out in the kitchen. He helps pick things up and does little tasks with me like dusting. He also loves helping me carry bags in from the store, so I always try to make sure I have one or two light weight ones. Although, if he deems a bag too heavy, he'll carry it to the bottom porch step and abandon it.
The boy is smart. Like freaky smart sometimes. He's on the emotional level of any kid his age, but he excels in other areas. He knows our address including city and state. He knows my phone number including area code. You tell him basically anything and he will not forget it. People always think he's four or older when they talk to him. So yeah. That's my brag on Daniel!
He of course has his ornery side too. It cracks me up because even if he's had a really good day, if you ask him if he was good he'll say, "I was a little bit naughty" and then tell me that one kind of naughty thing he did hours before. Silly kid.
He makes us laugh a lot. He's got quite the sense of humor. He totally understand jokes and will make some up himself too. Plus he's all of a sudden into making up words and then cracking himself up by using them. Never a dull moment.
This pregnancy has been far rougher than with Daniel. It was going fast until around 27 weeks or so when I ended up in the hospital the first time. Time slowed down to snails pace after that. Instead of being like, "Holy crap! I'm 33 weeks!" I'm more like, "Holy crap. I still have 7 weeks left??" Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful that James is healthy and that I indeed am still pregnant with him and not having to figure out at the moment how to split time between home and a NICU.
I feel like I'm wearing out sooner too. My body aches. It's starting to hurt to walk. I feel okay once I'm moving, but after I sit down and have to get going again...ouch! I didn't have Braxton Hicks with Daniel until the last couple of weeks, and even then they were super sporadic.With James I've had them many times a day for the past 5 weeks. Sometimes they're a bit intense too. I have a weaker bladder this time around, so beyond peeing every 5 minutes, sneezing and coughing prove to be a problem too. I have my good days where I do a bunch of fun things with Daniel, and then I'll have a day where I'm thanking God for Netflix because I feel sick and it entertains the boy.
The worst though? The heartburn and reflux. Oh, the reflux. Yeah. I had it with Daniel. Yeah. It was bad then too, but this time around it hit a whole new level. I've woken up choking, gasping for air, coughing up blood and my newest issue, throwing up. Tums.are worthless. Zanac (2 extra stength) are useless. Prilosec? Useless. Nexium (the best OTC out there)...not useless. It was working, except I was having some bad side effects in the intestinal department if you catch my drift. (I seriously have no modesty left). So, I'm down to chugging Maalox, and trying another OTC. Trying to limit my food intake at night too. But here's the thing. Unless you've been there...having a baby squishing your insides and all, you do not fully understand. I can go 12 hours with no food and only water and I will STILL have heartburn and reflux. Not even joking one bit. Sometimes it's so bad that the pain radiates to my jaw, shoulders and back. If you Google these symptoms it will tell you you're having a heart attack by the way. Then there will be a disclaimer that if you're pregnant it's probably just the child inside of you pushing everything back up. Made me laugh!
My last ultrasound showed the placenta moving though, so that was good news. I'm praying so hard that Friday when I go again it will have moved those 3mm, and I can get the all clear for a vaginal delivery. I'm terrified of a c-section, so I've been trying to put it out of my mind for now.
So, there ya have it. Tales of an exhausted, pregnant Momma. Glad to get some complaining out, but I am so thankfully for my little boys!
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